Doing Good Things For The Wrong Reasons

 Those of us who have experienced narcissistic abuse can tend to be the kind of people who find themselves doing good things for the wrong reasons.

Specifically, connecting to and trying to help other people, who are not prepared to help themselves.

Before healing and Thriving we did this to try to earn love, because we didn’t want to rock the boat or because we thought that this was how to create support, safety and allegiance in relationships. Perhaps we were in scarcity consciousness, hanging on to people because we didn’t believe we could attract or have better.

Even after healing and Thriving, we can still continue these energy leaks to our own detriment – it’s what many Thrivers do. After finding our way out of the darkness of trauma and abuse, we may wish others to have what we now have – breakthroughs, freedom, purpose, love and success. We may give a lot to others, whilst having our own lives disrupted, compromised and damaged as a result of their behaviour – despite us trying to help them.

 

The Truth About Relationships Exposed

Now, more than ever you are seeing the TRUTH about relationships. I know so many of you are reporting this phenomenon happening everywhere!

Those which are TRUE relationships will stand, and those which aren’t won’t.

Right now, the more clarity, alignment and personal direction you have, and the more you follow your missions, the more obviously you will see those who have the capacity to join you. And also see those who don’t.

On your path of Thriver growth, you will activate the right people into their own self-examination, deep inner work, inner liberations and then outer expressions into integrity and success consciousness.

Or… people will try to grasp your energy for their own benefit, whilst remaining stuck, resistant and unwilling to do the inner work to grow into their own personal graduation with you.

Right now, in THIS time we are living in – when all that is in darkness is coming to Light – they will drop the ball. Obviously. Badly. Spectacularly.

The real-life disparity is startling. On an everyday level the energy you share will be like oil and water. Falsities just won’t gel with you anymore and you will notice when words and actions are universes apart. It becomes blatantly obvious – this person is not who I thought they were.

I can’t tell you how many people in this community are reporting that long-term relationships are crumbling. All of a sudden, you are realising they are just NOT your people, after previously being in your life for a long time.

Never before has there been such a ‘great divide’. Relationships are ending in droves. It’s chaotic, painful and yet meant to be. Obsolete relationships are crumbling, making way for the new order of evolved partnerships – which stand strong as honesty, teamwork and unification.

These are vital times. Powerful times of ascension from third dimensional fear and pain into fifth dimensional co-creation with Source consciousness. It’s a pressure cooker. Everyone’s wounds are being activated.

It’s time to lean inwards, resolve this, and then step up.

Those stuck in entitled, selfish, irresponsible and deceptive behaviour – unable to be humble enough to take responsibility for their actions – just don’t deserve our respect or energy anymore.

We used to think it was the ‘right thing’ to hang on, make excuses and grant a ‘pass’. Now we know it isn’t. Something inside us knows it’s time to let go, up-level our relationships and bless certain people from afar. We love them, we care about them, we wish the very best for them, but we just don’t want them in our life anymore.

Like me, many of you are reporting you just don’t have the time, bandwidth or energy anymore. It’s just too exhausting spinning your wheels with people who don’t heal and change.

We need to change too, and the old habits of martyrdom can be hard to let go of.

Let’s examine them.

Are you prone to Martyrdom?

Many people who have been narcissistically abused have had a pattern of having lower vibrational people in their lives.

Kind people do this! You want to see the best in people. You believe in their potential. You want to offer them a better life, a ‘leg up’. Often the healer in us wants to rescue and relieve people’s suffering.

When this extends into our personal life then we have to assess WHY we are trying to help others at the expense of our own sanity and health, when these people are simply not motivated to help themselves.

Perhaps you have deep seated feelings of guilt and shame that make you believe that you need to serve others – even when it hurts – to try to prove your worth.

People who are really strong and capable may shoulder the responsibility and cost for others who are less capable, because you don’t want them to have to struggle and suffer. Somehow this becomes your burden, and they get very comfortable and used to this. The more you give the more they take and expect from you.

You may be terrified about the repercussions in your life if you speak up and say “no more”. Will people turn on you, abandon you, attack you, smear you or even try to destroy you?

Is confrontation difficult especially with those you love and care about? Would you rather shut up, keep the peace, and try to explain away how you are feeling violated, unsupported, unheard or even exploited?

As everything is rattling up to the surface, the following is true: You WILL see the truth of your relationships, whether you like it or not!

 

The Essential Responsibility to Your Own Soul Mission

We have far too great a commitment to our own Inner Being to allow passengers to steal our life-force and blame us for the lack of their own.

Do these people strive to heal, Thrive, grow and better their own inner and outer lives? Do they want to contribute to and serve humanity? Are they prepared to put in the self-work, effort and yards to actualise their soul’s calling?

Or is their life all about themselves? Do they expect someone else to hand it to them on a silver platter?

Make no mistake, if you are in martyrdom tendencies, you will be expected to provide it to people who have no intention of being a self-generative force to themselves.

If you are providing what this person wants there will be very little gratitude or reciprocation – its simply expected. When you say “enough” of them draining your energy, you discover they don’t have the resources to step up – rather they attack you for exposing what they have hidden from many others and especially themselves:

“I am manipulating my way through life, using others for my own benefit, because I don’t have the motivation or commitment to create my own life for myself.”

Yet you love them, you offered them the chance to empower themselves and step up.

If only they had applied humility and love for themselves, you and the relationship, then you would have respected this and opened your heart and life to them. But they didn’t – and attacked you instead.

The time for rescuing other adults has finished. We are no longer meant to be encumbered, bogged down and drained by these relationships, because we are now called to share inspiration, flourish and create with other self-responsible people. It’s time to connect with people who do contribute and participate with others healthily – co-operatively.

In this time of reckoning, the sorting out of the wheat from the chaff, you will find out who is a Unity Consciousness person in your life and who isn’t.

More so than ever before, we are vibrationally affected by the company we keep. More so than ever before we have the ability to say “No” to relationships that don’t serve our souls healthily and open the doors to those which do.

Our souls are NO longer allowing us to NOT live from this place.

 

Being Faced With Our Own Levels Of Authenticity

In this time of fast-track evolution, have you noticed how you are pushed into deeper authenticity?

If we are doing good ‘outer things’ from an ‘out of integrity’ inner place, it’s now backfiring badly. The truth with a capital “T” Is emerging so vigorously that there is no denying it.

If we have been giving to get, not speaking up, ignoring our inner warning bells and not laying boundaries, then we have made this rod for our own back.

Did it go too far? Often it did, because we set up an energy exchange that was coming from an out-of-integrity inner space. When we are ‘going along’ to avoid our fears, then what we create usually grants us the exact terrible results we were trying to avoid – being unsupported, mined, persecuted, attacked and turned upon.

Manifestation is almost instant now.

Yet by speaking up – sooner rather than later – you invite people to come into deeper unity, respect and growth with you.

Being a self-generative Thriver means coming from a place of honesty, self-value and boundaries, rather than just hoping “this will turn out okay”. In this time we are getting belted in the face with any part of ourselves NOT honouring ourselves, our truth and our limits by not speaking up.

The results are quite frankly disastrous.

By being direct and having these difficult conversations, you will know who is with you and who isn’t. And if you do not have that clarity yet, keep doing the inner work to lovingly release all involved, allowing them the freedom to gravitate to whoever and whatever is meaningful for them.

 

In Conclusion

This is what I am seeing – things breaking down and changing everywhere. As the dust settles, what is coming into view is integrity, power, strength and unity consciousness. We are being called to commit to and love others and ourselves enough to no longer ‘be false’ in order to get along. The more we do this, the more we are creating the space to find our tribes.

It’s that time beautiful people.

It’s time to be GOOD to the truth, for the right reasons.

Then we will have the energy love, support and co-inspirations to create a TRUE emerging world.

Did this article resonate with you?

Does it help explain what you may be going through?