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He Said What?!
I don’t want to give his words energy by repeating them, but if you’ve been following the news—you know the person I’m referring to, and you have likely heard the distasteful and shocking things our “leader” has said as recently as yesterday.
Every day he utters cruel words about the latest thorn in his side, and his behavior has led me to ask questions:
>> What would it be like to keep a mental list of the people who betrayed you and be constantly creating punishments for each one?
>> What does it do to a human being to eat, sleep, and breathe resentment, hatred, and restless anger all day, every day?
Awakened and mindful readers, try not to judge me too harshly, but sometimes…I actually feel sorry for him.
(I imagine you just sighed, maybe even groaned a little at me just now. You can’t believe I feel sorry for him. My friends have said that to me, too. I understand).
But, join me on this thought-thread with me for a minute:
What do you think he feels when he’s alone? Empty?
Maybe, or maybe not. He actually seems quite busy in the hate and punishment departments. Day and night, it feels like it’s a full-time job and one that brings him immediate gratification.
Do you think he’s happy, or unhappy?
I don’t know if I could say he’s happy, but because he has a different set of core values than many of us, I think he is momentarily content case-by-case and person-by-person. Even gleeful, ecstatic, triumphant, and maybe his kind of “happy.” Who knows?
Revenge might just be the secret ingredient that makes his vagus nerve rock.
He is running on autopilot set to hate with his perceptions of justice, and in his mind, who he is and what he believes is the good in “good and evil.”
He is the “good” and, we are…well…I won’t finish this sentence.
Most of us have known the kind of anger that comes from someone hurting our feelings, lying, gaslighting, betraying, manipulating, abandoning, abusing, and taking advantage.
Our hurt never completely goes away, but over time, we tell ourselves to move on, to soften, and to love.
We remind ourselves of the saying, “peace begins with me” and we do the healing work to forgive, or at least to try to understand what happened in context.
We don’t bathe in hate. We take a fun and relaxing bubble bath and visualize a world of peace and love instead.
Many of us, including me, have been hurt, called racist names, experienced prejudice, abandoned, “othered,” and betrayed. It leaves wounds, but somewhere along the way, we decide not to live in bitterness.
Love begins to call us back and a quieter voice tells us that there’s a way to visualize what is on the other side of pain and sadness.
We go to therapy and share the unspeakable aloud.
We write in our journal and pour out the feelings and thoughts we wouldn’t dare say to anyone.
We take long walks or move our bodies to release what’s been stuck inside.
We hum, make up a song with lyrics that say it all, belt out a familiar piece, or just quietly listen to the kind of music that heals us from inside out.
We make time to sit with a trusted friend who reminds us of who we really are.
We give it time and let healing do its slow and invisible work.
We breathe, pause, meditate, visualize, and affirm ourselves.
Little by little, whatever hurt we experienced loosens its grip on us and we gradually let it go.
We might not forget. We might review those challenging moments in our mind and heart and feel awful at times, but we decide to move on toward joy, light, gratitude, and visions of a better tomorrow.
We let go and we don’t allow anything that happened to us become our badge. The dark moments of our life don’t define us.
We are so much more than our abuse, our cancer, our hurt, our abandonment, and because we made it through these experiences, we can also acknowledge how strong, brave, determined, and resilient we are.
It isn’t okay that bad things happened to us, but it doesn’t have to be our only story about ourselves. We are so much more than anything someone did to us.
I wish I could wave a magic wand and make him—and people like him—understand this, too.
When we live in the muck of vengeance, self-pity, and hatred, it not only punishes the past, but it also shapes the present and future, closes the heart, and prevents us from giving and receiving the beautiful energy of love.
I know what it’s like to be angry, and I also know what it’s like to decide to soften towards love.
Does our leader know the deliciousness of this, I wonder? Does he know that forgiveness is a breathtaking experience?
Literally.
When we forgive, we can breathe again. Healthy, deep, caring, open, exhilarating, loving breaths of hope, vulnerability, and the best that the human race can offer each other.
It’s a miraculous feeling when we can finally allow ourselves to take a breath where there was once only tightness, and it’s a miraculous feeling to suddenly feel compassion sneak into your heart unexpectedly.
I have a few final questions:
What inner pain goes unhealed long enough for vengeance to become your constant purpose in life?
What kind of love was missing when you were young? What kind of hurt? What did your dad do when you didn’t behave the way he wanted? Did your mom give you unconditional love? If so, there’s hope for all of us.
I know it’s a bit of a stretch to feel empathy for someone whose words are hurtful and below the belt, but I have a need to understand him and anyone else similar to him.
As Michelle Obama said, “When they go low, we go high.” I believe in her motto. Admittedly, I don’t always follow it.
I’ve been known to let out a few swear words of passionate dismay; but at the same time, I know that if we only meet hardness with more hardness, we wind up becoming as low as low can be.
When that happens, we became him. We are part of that same negative energy field.
Peace begins in the most private moments within us. It’s in the moments when we pause before we react, release judgment and say, “I will not let this chaotic time turn me into someone I don’t want to be.”
So how do we go high when someone goes low?
We remember how good it feels to love, to be kind, to care, and we also remember that someone is always watching.
Our children. Our friends. The people who cross our path.
They are all influenced by our actions, words, feelings, and thoughts. We are role models in compassion, love, kindness, grace, joy, creativity, open-mindedness, empathy, and patience.
We are modeling what it means to be a perfectly imperfect human being, and we are showing adults and children that even after hurt, love is still possible.
This isn’t about being perfect. It’s about noticing when our heart starts to close and to bravely choose to open it again.
We can’t control what others say or how they live, but we do get to decide who we become.
One final thought and call-to-action, dear reader. Every day I integrate an exercise that I call, “Positive Thought Transference.”
In it, I close my eyes and visualize light, love, and a shift of heart in all people who seek revenge. I send my positive thought vibrations and visualizations to our “leader” and all his cronies, to all the people in the world who aren’t my cup of tea, and of course to all those I love.
I end my meditative time with the Metta Meditation Prayer of Loving Kindness and a poem I wrote called, “My Dream for Peace.”
It always gives me hope. Even now. Especially now.
My Dream for Peace
Imagine: A day will come when those who have the power to destroy the world suddenly feel a transformational shift in their hearts to save the world.
Believe: A day will come when every heart on earth opens to the healing energy of love, kindness, compassion, empathy, diversity celebration and peace.
Dream: A day will come when no one is ever judged again based on their color, race, religion, creed, nationality, gender, age, ability, social status, or sexual orientation.
Trust: A Day will come when we see each other through the warm eyes of love.
Rejoice: A day will come when the Statue of Liberty stands tall once again and greets all humanity back to its shores with love.
Envision: A day will come when the world chooses to cooperate, collaborate, and do what is best for the well-being of the collective whole.
Care: A day will come when we realize how important it is to stop our busy lives and listen to each other’s feelings, thoughts and life experiences without judgment. We will simply listen from a place of love.
Visualize: A day will come when conflicts are resolved through nonviolent solutions, empathic listening, common ground compromise, and the healing power of love.
Celebrate: A day will come when a healing light shines through and around mother earth and the whole world makes a conscious decision to stand for love, unity, justice, equality, and peace.
“My Dream for Peace” can be found in my book, “Peace Dreamer–A Journey of Hope in Bad Times and Good.“
~
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