Today I want to talk about a very important topic that is close to my heart.
Your expansion.
You rising to your Source Soul Potential, which is great health, true love capacity, financial prosperity and having the courage to authentically shine.
Sounds fantastic huh?
It truly is … but …
Some others may not like it.
They may even call you selfish, trying to convince you that you don’t care about them – or that you have become arrogant and a different person.
Are they right?
Do you have the right to grow and heal?
Why Be Self-Fulfilling?
If you aren’t reconciling your inner world to become self-generative, which necessitates taking time out for yourself, then you won’t be fulfilled.
This is when you will look to others to “fill” you.
This creates dependencies with others, to cope, survive and feel some fulfilment. Or maybe you have been hooked into others, trying to please them so that you can try to receive love, approval, security and survival from them.
And … importantly, if you are not healing, developing your inner and outer worlds, and expanding, you won’t be your best and healthiest to help inspire others and lead by example, as well as generate your Soul’s missions in empowered ways.
Please let me be clear – if you honour your Soul’s potential, you honour others and all of life in honourable ways.
So why wouldn’t some people be happy with this?
Let’s investigate.
The Truth Disrupts The Norm
The most powerful component of your spiritual growth is to be real – starting with being true with yourself.
Being lovingly self-honest and self-supportive and meeting your wounds and replacing them with Source allows you to let go of the Person You Were Being (limited) to rising into the Person You Were Born to Be (expanded).
By doing so the veils of denial are lifted. You will start to see where you were handing away power and sacrificing yourself to try to fix others. You will see clearly where you were tolerating abuse by trading your sovereignty to gain security.
And … you will start being done with it.
After Thriver Healing, no longer do we want to give up our Soul’s truth, by living in the illusions we used to live in. No longer can we ignore what is going on internally. There comes an urge to align – to do the right thing and stand for personal truth courageously, no matter what the external results may be.
Rather than stay connected with someone who is not a match for our Soul truth of growth, healing, development, happiness and true healthy relationships and personal opportunities that make our heart sing … we take a stand.
Of course, this creates conflict where others may fight vehemently to derail you and bring you back down to where they can control you.
When you were stuck in beliefs and inner programs of past traumas, you were engaging with people within these patterns. These patterns are played out with hurtful people. Exploitative people. Manipulative people. These people represent “more of” the people who previously traumatized you, the people who you always had unfinished unhealed inner business with.
This equals being unconscious. We feel victimized, not free, when we’re living in our own shadows. We don’t think we have any choice but to continue these patterns. It’s so “normal” we don’t even know that we are in a cage.
After doing the Thriver work with NARP – all of those layers fall away. You awaken from this slumber with new eyes, feelings, and thoughts.
You start becoming conscious – meaning knowing that you aren’t powerless, and that you do have a choice. That you can become the powerful generator of your own personal experience regardless of what others are or aren’t doing.
How does this manifest?
You will say “No” where you used to self-sacrifice by saying “Yes”.
You no longer feel it’s “normal” to hand your power away, allowing yourself to be mined for another person’s agenda, hoping they will love and care for you.
You are fast becoming a whole new version of yourself.
This is terrifying for others whose identity was wrapped into the “Old You”. It triggers their insecurities horrifically. They can’t get you to take responsibility for what they need to look after themselves. They can’t manipulate and hold you down for their own need to exert control over you.
They may be deeply resentful that you are no longer going to wallow in victimhood with them, and that you have left the toxic reality that they wanted you to stay in with them.
(Victims take hostages).
You shining can be such a terrible reminder of where they are not.
Not Hurting Yourself
If you try to live your life keeping everyone happy, you will make yourself deeply unhappy. You are people pleasing and deeply injuring your own Soul Truth. By trying not to piss anyone off, YOU will be pissed off.
A deep Thriver truth is this – you will NEVER keep everyone happy, so you may as well be happy, then those who have the capacity to share in your happiness (values in life) will join you.
Your happiness is not this message, “I’m happy and hope for your unhappiness!” (That’s narcissistic!) Your happiness is this message, “I am showing you what is also possible for you if you wish to grow yourself to develop this too!” (That’s the Thriver Way).
I promise you if you are NOT pissing someone off, you are NOT being true to yourself!
Let me give you an example … very occasionally there are people in the NARP Community Forum who see others breaking through – glowing, expanding, creating and they start lashing out at the MTE team because they are not there themselves.
If these people don’t start taking personal responsibility to heal (where we meet them lovingly and guide them with all we have got) and wish to continue lashing out, then these people are dismissed and can no longer be a part of our Community.
We can’t help them because they refuse to help themselves. More than this we are not going to hurt ourselves by trying to keep others, who disagree, happy.
It’s the same personal and professional boundary I have in my life, which goes like this … “Come join me in mutual support, love and growth – or don’t. It’s your choice. If you don’t want to, I will let you go. If you start smearing, attacking, or degrading me, then the door is firmly closed.”
As a previous people pleaser, terrified of other people’s version of me – I now know the power of knowing my version of me, and being true to me regardless of what other people do or don’t want to think and do.
Breakdowns To Breakthroughs
The truth is not always comfortable.
Especially to those who don’t want to grow, heal, and expand. I was there once too.
Victimization means holding on to traumas and lies that we feel will somehow soothe us and protect us, such as, “This had nothing to do with me. I was just the good person who was duped.” “People aren’t to be trusted.” “All men are (insert the negative)” “All women are (insert the negative).” And the usual inner programs of, “I am not good enough / lovable / worthy” etc.
To heal and grow means breaking down the old identity to make way for a new and much healthier one.
Some people who see you make that shift, feel threatened, especially when they feel that you are “leaving them behind”. You are getting out of the powerlessness of the trauma matrix, and they are not ready to make that shift yet.
When healing and growing you may be so excited and inspired by your results that you want to bring those who are important to you, along with you. Such as your spouse, lover, family member or best friend.
It could be shocking to you that these people resist, get angry with you, and even attack you. They may even smear you and accuse you of being crazy, a phoney, self-absorbed or even worse.
It’s heartbreaking. Maybe you haven’t actively challenged them, but your New Self simply can’t relate to them the way your Old Self did.
What has happened here?
You are threatening their inner identity. They don’t want to go through the breakdown that’s necessary to have the breakthrough. They don’t want to face the truth – that their inner traumas are continuing to be the energetic fuel of their painful outer experience. They want to believe the “outer” is responsible for their life (including you) and they are not willing to courageously go inwards to tend to and heal their inner experience.
Much of, if not all of this, could be deeply unconscious.
They aren’t ready yet to connect home to their Soul partnership with Source.
You understand it, because you have been there, and you would like nothing more than for these people to join you!
But the truth is people will only wake up when they decide to – and not before. If you stay attached trying to make them, not only will you meet resistance, you also may be vehemently attacked.
Here it is – after your breakthroughs you are now on a different level, and you can’t fix other people. Your only true job is to be true to yourself.
Your Life Moving Forward
Not only do you have the challenges of working through your own breakdowns to breakthroughs (which NARP midwifes so wonderfully) you also have to navigate the breakdowns of some of your important relationships.
It’s scary, it’s heartbreaking and it can feel so very lonely.
Maybe you have narcissistic relationships in your life. Narcissistic personalities don’t take the personal responsibility to turn inwards to work on their wounds and evolve their own Souls and will try to sabotage your attempts to get free from them. They may also lash out and punish you for starting to pull away.
(However, by standing in your power and taking back your sovereignty and Life Force you will discover just how powerless narcissists really are.)
Possibly you have been enmeshed with someone who is co-dependent, depending on you for energy, Life Force and power, rather than learning healthily how to generate that for themselves. If this person will not rise up and start taking responsibility, you will have to let go. They too may cling, attempting to guilt you with ferocity.
It’s very usual to suffer feelings of obligation for those you care for, who you know are no longer healthy to subjugate yourself for. Yet, by being true to you, you are being true to them, granting them the opportunity of personal growth and empowerment by example instead of continuing to enable them to be powerless and dependent.
By being true to you, I promise you that you will see others, who are ready to awaken (as so many incredible people in our Community are) rise and join in with you.
As one door closes, many new positive ones will open. Growth, healing and expansion unlock your way to life trajectories and relationships that you didn’t previously have access to, which are unlimited in comparison to the old, limited way of being. It also transforms the people around you who do have the capacity and desire to grow.
(You will especially see powerful and positive transformations with your children.)
Please know that there is nothing else to do other than to live true to your Soul, rising into your True Self and True Life and generating more of the same in the world – with those who are ready.
You were born for this job!
In Conclusion
I want you to know that I went through this … so many people left my life, and new people arrived. Many other members of the NARP Community have been through this too … in fact virtually all of them.
Most of us successfully navigated this with the special help of Module 6 of NARP “Release and Heal the Need to Take Responsibility”. This helped so much with working out “where I end and you start” and was vital to release the co-dependent tendencies to fix people, without guilt.
It also helps with empowering others rather than enabling them. (Great stuff to learn as a parent!)
For those of you who have worked through NARP, and want deeper work on relief from co-dependency and to develop strong healthy boundaries – I passionately recommend my Empowered Self Course as it has detailed specific Modules to work on Co-dependency as well as becoming a Boundary Beast!
You’ll love it!
I hope today’s article can help you greatly with your transition away from toxic relationships, into generating evolutionary ones … because it is such an important piece in Thriving.
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