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In recent years, Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) has gained a lot of traction in pop culture as an evidence-based treatment.
From Selena Gomez to Lady Gaga, celebrities have shared how using DBT skills have helped in their own lives. For me, DBT is a lifestyle that has transformed the way I operate in the world.
What is DBT? DBT is a mixture of Zen Buddhism and cognitive behavioral therapy. The foundation of DBT is built on the skill of mindfulness. And, the Zen Buddhism infused into DBT has shown me how to cultivate mindfulness in my daily life. DBT therapy believes that we all have inner wisdom and it gives us the tools and skills to gain access to that wisdom to lead a more spiritual lifestyle.
Marsha Linehan originally created DBT in the 1970s to help patients who were experiencing intense misery and suffering, suicidal ideation, and self-harm. Since then, DBT has been expanded to help a variety of people struggling with different challenges.
The first skill to expand your mindset is called dialectical thinking. Dialectics are two things that seem to contradict each other and can be true at the same time. For example:
I feel like an imposter at my job and I will continue to show up.
A friend betrayed me and I care deeply for them.
Dialectics helps us to remember that there are many ways to see a situation and that we can incorporate multiple perspectives. Dialectics reminds us that the universe is filled with opposing forces and that we are all connected.
In today’s polarized society, how can we create more connections through dialectical thinking? We can ask ourselves, what is the kernel of truth in what the other person is saying? Play the devil’s advocate and debate each side of the conversation with as much passion. Remember that we are all connected and find similarities rather than differences between people.
The next skill is radical acceptance; accepting reality as it is, not the way we wish it were but the way it actually is at this moment. How often do we push against the reality of a situation only to become more stuck? How are you denying facts in your own life? To change a situation we must first accept it. When we practice radical acceptance the moment cracks open with possibilities.
Radical acceptance is not about approving of the facts. It is about a willingness to embrace the current moment with your whole heart, body, and mind—in one’s thoughts, actions, and emotions. It is fully participating in this moment without dragging your feet because you prefer that things were otherwise. This skill is about living life on life’s terms.
How do we practice radical acceptance when it’s hard? Ask yourself the following question, how would I act if I accepted this reality? Then, fake it till you make it.
Watch Lady Gaga discuss how she uses radical acceptance in her own life at the 19:25 minute mark:
Another skill of DBT is holding a non-judgemental stance. How often do we go through life judging ourselves and others only to create barriers? Here we are working to cultivate curiosity over judgment. Letting go of evaluating, comparisons, and assumptions and instead just noticing the facts.
How can we replace judgemental thinking? Notice a judgemental thought. Do not engage with it. And, let it float by. Instead, focus on the facts of the situation, your feelings about the facts and the consequences of the facts.
For example, rather than saying, I’m so stupid! Why did I do that!? you can say, I had a big project at work and I feel disappointed that the PowerPoint wasn’t working. Can you feel the difference between the two statements?
Judgemental thinking increases the intensity of our emotions.
The above are just three tools of the many skills that DBT has to offer. Using only these skills can help to radically change your life for the better.
How can you incorporate them into your daily life?
What other stressors would you like to learn skills for? Let me know in the comments section below.
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