{*Did you know you can write on Elephant? Here’s how—big changes: How to Write & Make Money or at least Be of Benefit on Elephant. ~ Waylon}
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“A ship in a harbour is safe, but it’s not fulfilling its potential.” ~ Susan Jeffers~
Three weeks ago, my siblings and I decided to go out for dinner.
It was a regular day, nothing really great about it, and there was certainly no special occasion.
I was bored, and they were free, so we though let’s step out. I decided the restaurant. It was one that we had visited a few months ago, and I basically wanted to have their Tiramisu!
The minute we reached there, we got to know that they were hosting a Karaoke night. This was new to us. We all felt a bit awkward and pressured, thinking that we might be forced to sing or something, and we didn’t want that! Anyway, we still went ahead.
Let me tell you that I can sing and pretty well. However, I’ve always been deathly afraid of being put on the spot and being asked to sing. I get extremely anxious, and my mind is flooded with all kinds of thoughts such as: “What will everyone think?” “What if I make a mistake or don’t get a note right?” “Am I looking stupid?”
My face has a history of turning beetroot red, and when I sing, I look like the saddest person in the room even though I’m singing decently well.
Hence, I have always run away from it. This is one talent of mine that I have never truly seen, appreciated, and nurtured because my fears of being judged and not being good enough always overpowered my ability and took away my focus from my experience.
“May your choices reflect your hopes, not your fears.” ~ Nelson Mandela
And I could sense all that building up inside of me that day, and it continued to escalate as my siblings started nudging me to sing. I kept avoiding until the host saw me (well, we were smart and chose to sit right in the middle of the restaurant where she could see us directly!) and came my way to hand me the mic.
Now, I had to sing.
“One can choose to go back toward safety or forward toward growth. Growth must be chosen again and again; fear must be overcome again and again.” ~ Abraham Maslow
I also wanted to sing because I had recognised that if I give in to this voice in me that keeps scaring the life out of me, I will stay imprisoned. Even though my life wouldn’t change drastically with one song, I knew that it could change something in me that could potentially change my life.
I sang three songs that night. I was scared to death in the first one. By the time the second one happened, I was more comfortable, and by the third, I was having fun!
“Face your fear. Even if it’s only a tiptoe outside of your comfort zone instead of a leap. Progress is progress.” ~ Anette White
By the end of it, I had even posted my singing videos on my social media to celebrate what I had discovered about myself—a sense of freedom from the fear of judgement and confidence that I’m good enough for myself.
I even went alone the second week and then again last week. I go there every week to get more and more comfortable with who I am and whatever skill, talent, calibre I have. I am making that into my me time so that I can be more relaxed in my own company, and being an introvert by nature, I actually managed to strike up a conversation with a total stranger!
Here are five more things that I’ve realised (more than ever) since I started going to that karaoke night:
1. We all live in our minds. Yes, even therapists like me because we are human beings first. Our internal reality does define our external reality, and if we want to create a meaningful, fulfilling life, we can’t do it by looking away.
2. Your comfort zone will always be comfortable, but it won’t be the place where you’ll be able to grow forever. Everything reaches a point where it doesn’t feel the same. Those are times when choices need to be made.
3. Sometimes the smallest of words and actions create the biggest shifts. This one experience has eased me more into my being. I have seen, accepted, and begun to appreciate a skill that I always ran away from. I don’t aspire to be a singer or dancer in the conventional sense, but I am an artist. I sing, dance, write, create, and whether I get up and perform on stage or not, this will always be me.
4. Carrying this burden of “what will people think” is the most torturous thing you can ever do for yourself. You only need to care about those who care about you, but even then, you are not supposed to feed off on their approval and validation. Listen, think, understand, validate, and respect your own viewpoints as well. Do what feels right to you but not with the mindset of rebellion or disregarding others’ opinions. But why bother about random people?
5. When I’m more of me, the world ceases to exist (in a metaphorical way). Being in your own company and enjoying it gives a different high. And if you do more of those things that are more of you, you will always be high!
Life is way too short and you have a lot to offer to yourself and to the world. By imprisoning yourself in the ideas and judgements of other people, and even your own fears, you do lose out on a lot.
No one knows what life has in store for them, but this moment is all we’ve got.
So, carpe diem my friends.
“Expanding your comfort zone is about motivating and inspiring yourself in a way that honors your whole person. It’s not ‘I’m going to be good at everything,’ it’s about not being scared to try.” ~ Elizabeth Kuster
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