“Flooding” as My Teacher
I learned about the concept of flooding when I first
joined CoDA three years ago. I heard someone share about their problem
with flooding in what is now my home group. And I kept hearing people
mentioning it as we spoke on CoDA phone calls. For me, it means that I
speak usually quickly and in long diatribes often fueled by resentment and
fear. At these times, I literally “flood” the conversation, like water
flooding a neighborhood during a hurricane, only I use words and emphasis and
vehemence. I realize that sometime in the past this habit might have been
effective in “getting my way,” but it no longer serves me.
In what situations do I exhibit this character
defect? I’ve done this to my wife for years and never realized it.
I’d be talking about a topic, enjoying myself, bathing in my flow of words,
demonstrating my genius, when she would bristle, get an annoyed look on her
face. When I flooded her with words, she would get defensive and
withdraw. Then I would feel hurt, dejected, and respond by saying
something like, “Why don’t you listen to me? Can’t you pay
attention? You really don’t love me!” As the patterns warn us, that
kind of language only invites others to reject us more.
I also found that I do this in my job as a
teacher. I’d start pontificating on a simple topic, go off on a tangent,
get resentful at some idea or another and forget what I was talking
about! Usually, I would figure it out as I look out at the numb faces and
blank eyes of the students. Then, I would stop and feel embarrassed with
myself.
And I have found myself doing it in committee
meetings, both for work and for service in recovery. I get an idea, and I
must thoroughly express it, leave no angle or perspective unexplored.
When I get going sometimes it’s hard to stop. As I’ve participated in my
CoDA committee meetings, however, I’ve begun to see the beauty in silence, in
letting others have a say.
Jim
H.
08/09/2024
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