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We often think of big disappointments when it comes to romantic relationships.
We talk about cheating, lying, loss of trust, or a lack of intimacy. But we rarely talk about the small disappointments that, when repeated frequently, cause severe emotional distress.
On the surface, they may seem small—insignificant even. However, if our partner confronts us, we may in fact laugh about them and wonder why they’re so damn upset.
Although this scenario might be recurrent in our relationships, we tend to overlook it, especially if we’re the ones causing the small, insignificant wounds: the paper cuts.
Incidents like sudden outbursts, lack of support, criticism, rude words, forgetfulness, or miscommunication can gradually lead to feelings of resentment and may cause partners to slowly drift apart.
Just like a paper cut, the wound might not be visible, but we can’t ignore the discomfort it causes. The emotional pain that paper cuts generate might be tiny in the beginning, but when they accumulate and fester, the consequences become disastrous.
Partners with increased paper cuts might feel a deep feeling of disconnection and pull away if triggered again. On the other hand, partners who cause the paper cuts might find it difficult to relate to their partner and might call them “needy,” “sensitive,” or “dramatic”—which, by all means, makes the whole issue worse.
The most common problem we face concerning paper cuts is the accumulation of emotional suffering. That’s why in order to make positive changes, both partners need to be willing to recognise the hurt.
The one who has caused paper cuts should be empathetic and see things from their partner’s point of view. Even if what they said or did doesn’t make sense to them, they should be willing to open their minds and hearts in order to build closeness and feel what their partner is feeling.
As for the one who’s been suffering from paper cuts, they should be willing to openly and swiftly communicate their needs and concerns. Since it’s the accumulation of pain that breaks relationships apart, we should learn how to be honest and gentle when it comes to explaining our emotions and thoughts.
Through open communication and empathy, partners might be able to avoid the emotional distress that paper cuts create. More importantly, they should not dismiss each other’s feelings, regardless of how silly or unimportant they might seem.
Lastly, we need to remember that sometimes paper cuts are unavoidable. It’s normal and common to be hurt in our relationship—even good relationships give rise to occasional discomfort. However, we need to prioritise and normalise regular check-ins to find practical solutions and discuss our concerns.
~
author: Elyane Youssef
Image: Andrik Langfield/Unsplash
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