CoDA Weekly Reading

 

A New Sense of Belonging

My codependence shows up in myriad ways. Low self-esteem may be the most painful and deeply rooted manifestation for me. I'm constantly afraid of saying or doing the "Wrong thing", afraid that I'll annoy or offend people around me. (Even using the word "afraid” twice in a sentence could be cause for the rejection, ridicule, dismissal, or abandonment I fear. I chose to keep it because that's what was on my heart when I wrote it.) I'm learning to be less controlled by my fears. It doesn't matter that the progress comes slowly, it is progress nonetheless.

A few months ago, a new social group was being formed at work, and I decided to join because the subject matter was attractive enough to override my anxieties. The group is about exploring artistic expression and the creative process while connecting with kindred spirits. At one of the sessions, I began by scribbling with a paint marker on a landscape picture from an old wall calendar. I was feeling “not good enough” and hoped no one would look at what I was doing. But, as the evening progressed, I began to be more intentional about how I applied color. My new friends came over and were really impressed by the image that was emerging. What a pleasant surprise! Hearing their positive feedback was like an invitation for me to look at my work through a different lens. It turns out, I really like the image I created. I don't like it just because others do. My recovery allowed me to be open to seeing myself and my art differently. Instead of focusing on the flaws, I started paying attention to the colors and shapes that were there. That shift in perception carried over into noticing how these folks were responding to me with warmth, kindness and respect. All of a sudden, I belonged! Truly, I had already belonged; it was my awareness that changed.

At the end of the evening, another group member and I stayed and spoke with the organizer. We talked about continuing the series beyond the original summer-only plans. While brainstorming topics for future sessions, I recognized that my input was being heard with respect as an equal partner. In fact, I'm going to be leading two of the monthly sessions in the coming year!

None of this progress would have been possible before CoDA. I've been in this program for 10 years. My efforts in working the steps and traditions, reaching out and being of service are all bearing fruit. The promises are coming true for me. I am deeply grateful for the Fellowship of Co-Dependents Anonymous because this program has made all the difference.

(My artwork is even going to be published in the March 2026 Meeting in Print here!)

Caryn
02.07.2026