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I have learned the hard way that things don’t always work out the way I think they should.
Although I would love for things to go as planned, chances are something might go wrong—not just in relationships or jobs.
Every minute of every day, there is a big possibility that something small might disappoint us. It could be as silly as a friend not answering our call or not finding what we want at the grocery store.
You might think I’m being pessimistic. Usually, when people hear me saying things like “you never know what happens” or “hope for the best, but prepare for the worst,” they either get upset or think I’m a negative person.
The truth is I’m just being realistic, and believe it or not, I’m generally an extremely happy and positive person. But I don’t shield myself from life’s biggest disappointments and, in fact, I’m pretty aware of their existence too. That’s not to say that I live with constant fear and worry. I simply try to stay present enough so I don’t get swept away by the emotional shock that might crop up when a disappointment arises.
Just like in Vipassana meditation, when new sensations appear in the body (such as a random itch or a specific pain), instead of moving to change our posture or blindly reacting to eradicate the problem, we pause and observe the sensation. When we acknowledge the presence of an itch, we acknowledge its impermanent nature. We acknowledge that the itch is there and it will go away in a hot second. However, the more we obsess over the disturbing sensation or its sudden occurrence, the more it magnifies—and the more we suffer.
The same thing applies to the sudden occurrence of disappointments in our life. The more we deny their presence, the more we suffer. Sadly, most of us would rather live in denial than to accept the mere fact that life is a beautiful combination of ups and downs, joy and grief, laughter and tears, birth and death, hope and despair.
Buddhism has taught me how to work with disappointment mindfully when it crops up. It has taught me that I need to accept reality as it is, without insisting on changing it based on my own needs and desires.
The Buddha taught that life is comprised of many painful events, such as sickness and death, that might cause us terrible pain. But the problem isn’t life itself because we can rarely control it. The problem is how we consciously choose to work with what life brings to our doorstep—good or bad.
Sadly, we always choose to push away and run away from our disappointments. The Buddha taught that we need to run toward them. In other words, we need to open fully to the painful experiences in our life and embrace them through
>> one, presence
>> two, awareness
>> and three, acceptance
We’ve all tried to brush our pain under the rug, but how many times have we welcomed it? How many times have we surrendered and let go of our attachment to predetermined outcomes?
The Buddhist way to let go of disappointment is to, well, not let go of it.
When a disappointment arises, go with it. Accept that it will arise. It will heavily impact us. There is power in acceptance, but we need to be willing to embrace all emotions and welcome them with an open heart.
And please remember that it’s completely normal to feel overwhelmed or stressed by a situation. But let’s not numb the pain or escape our present moment in order to feel something better or more pleasant.
Because the truth is, whether we like it or not, there will never be anything better than now.
Now is all we will ever have.
~
AUTHOR: ELYANE YOUSSEF
IMAGE: NIKO TSVILIOV/UNSPLASH
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