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When you put somebody on a pedestal, you
give away your power. When we fall in love with someone or make a
new friend, we sometimes see that person in a glowing light. Their good
qualities dominate the foreground of our perception. They just don’t seem to
have any negative qualities. This temporary state of grace is commonly known
as putting someone on a pedestal. Oftentimes, we put our spiritual leaders
and gurus on pedestals. We have all done this to someone at one time or
another, and as long as we remember that no one is actually “perfect,” the
pedestal phase of a relationship can be enjoyed for what it is — a phase.
It’s when we actually believe our own projection that troubles arise. Everyone has problems, flaws, and blind
spots, just as we do. When we entertain the illusion that someone is perfect,
we don’t allow them room to be human, so when they make an error in judgment
or act in contradiction to our idea of perfection, we become disillusioned.
We may get angry or distance ourselves in response. In the end, they are not
to blame for the fact that we idealized them. Granted, they may have enjoyed
seeing themselves as perfect through our eyes, but we are the ones who chose
to believe an illusion. If you go through this process enough times, you
learn that no one is perfect. We are all a combination of divine and human
qualities, and we all struggle. When we treat the people we love with this
awareness, we actually allow for a much greater intimacy than when we held
them aloft on an airy throne. The moment you see through your idealized
projection is the moment you begin to see your loved one as he or she truly
is. We cannot truly connect with a person when
we idealize them. In life, there are no pedestals — we are all walking on the
same ground together. When we realize this, we can own our own divinity and
our humanity. This is the key to balance and wholeness within ourselves and
our relationships. |
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