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I have mixed feelings about the concept of “the one.”
I find that believing in the one can be limiting and sometimes even…hurtful.
I’m afraid that when we believe in the one, we forget that the one can easily turn into not the one.
People change. We change. And letting go of the one is hard—so hard that we choose to hold on instead.
When we hold on and choose to stay in these kinds of relationships because we believe they’re the one, we can create real suffering for ourselves (and our partner). And trust me, I’ve been there.
The same goes for dating. Personally, I find that believing in the one limits us and prevents us from giving someone a chance. I’m not saying I don’t believe in love at first sight, but I do believe that sometimes, love takes time. Give it time.
And although I have mixed feelings about the one, I do believe it’s important to understand when someone is not the one—aka when a relationship is no longer serving us or when—as many people like to say—a relationship becomes toxic.
Here are seven signs they’re not the one:
1. They want you to change
We all deserve to be loved and appreciated for who we are now. We don’t need to change. You don’t need to change. But if our partner thinks so, it’s likely time to move on.
2. You can’t count on them
Is your partner there for you when you need them the most?
3. You have different values
Obviously, it’s nearly impossible for anyone to have the exact same values, however, it’s important to understand our key values and recognize whether or not they align with our partners. “It’s difficult to stay on the same road if the destination isn’t the same.”
4. They can hear, but not listen
Showing up, holding space, and being there for our partners are key in a relationship.
5. Your intuition
Listen to your gut. (But make sure it’s not fear you’re listening to!)
6. They are fond of “you” statements
“We’re always late because of you.” “You never care how I feel!” Being constantly criticized and blamed—especially when it’s unwarranted—hurts. None of us deserve that.
7. Your close ones can tell
Of course, we all have authority in our relationships, but when our family and friends can see that our partner isn’t supporting us in the way they should, it might be a good idea to listen.
author: Juliana Otis
Image: giuliajrosa/Instagram
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