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“Smile” they said.
“Smile?”
But I don’t want to smile right now.
“Smile,” my grandma said. Boys don’t like girls who do not smile.
“Smile,” my dad said. Your life is great—what is there to not be happy about?
“Smile,” my classmates said. It is more inviting.
“Smile,” the spiritual leader said. It will bring joy in your heart.
So…
I smiled.
But it did not feel like they said. It did not bring joy. Happiness did not settle in. I just felt…inauthentic. And not quite right, like wearing a fake mask.
So I paused and tuned inward.
And then I felt the rage within me.
Smile? Smile??? But I don’t want to smile right now. Anger is upon me. Sadness is in my heart. Why can’t it just be? Why can’t I just be me? Right now. In this moment.
Why do I have to smile to make you feel comfortable with my emotions? Because you haven’t felt yours? Because you are too scared?
Let me feel mine. Let me allow the flow of emotions. The raw. The rage. The sadness. The grief. The joy. The calm.
Let me be not you. Let me be me.
I am not scared of my emotions. I am not ashamed of my sensitivities.
I believe the biggest seed of misunderstanding, pain, and disconnection we are seeing right now is the fear of feeling.
What if we allowed people to feel it all? Knowing that this too shall pass. Knowing they can handle it. Knowing you can handle it.
And what else is there is we’re not denying our feelings? If no one is judging us? If no one is denying us our experience?
Well, an open ear. A shoulder to cry on. A space to be heard and seen.
This is what will heal you and me—all of us.
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