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As a counselor and in my own personal life, I’ve noticed a pattern lately of life feeling incredibly heavy for so many of us.
Many feel drained by constantly being pulled in too many directions and never having enough time to do everything we’re supposed to do. Some feel disappointed that they are going through unexpected difficulties and find themselves questioning, “Why me?”
Others want so badly to do a complete 180 with the direction of their lives, but they either don’t know where to start or they’re scared of the risk that comes with making that happen. All of these scenarios leave people feeling stuck and unhappy.
I’ve felt this too, and I’ve had to pull out my own therapy tools to help me get “unstuck.” Finding purpose even in the difficult moments life throws our way is the key.
If you’re one of those people feeling stuck and disappointed with what your life looks like right now, you’re not alone.
But more importantly, there are practical steps we can take to get through difficult times in a way that leads us toward greater fulfillment instead of keeping us stuck. Below, we’ll explore three powerful strategies to help us find meaning and joy, even when life hasn’t gone as planned and we’re overwhelmed beyond capacity.
3 Helpful Things We Can Do to Find Purpose in Difficult Times:
Reconnect With Our Core Values:
If we’re feeling disappointed by life, it’s probably for good reason. Life likely isn’t filled with the types of activities and people we truly value most. It’s also likely that there are many factors outside of our control that make our circumstances feel so heavy. However, if we zoom out a bit from our situation, there are in fact some small steps that we can take to get more of the things we truly care about most (core values) into our lives.
Steps to Implement:
>> Reflect on Values: Spend time reflecting on what you value most in life. This could be family, creativity, friendships, helping others, personal growth, healing from the past, achievement, and so on.
>> Identify Misalignments: Spend some more time reflecting on any areas of your life where what you’re doing doesn’t really align with your core values (what you truly care about most).
>> Set Value-Based Goals: Set small, achievable goals that align with your core values. For example, if you value helping others, you might set a goal to volunteer or support a friend in need in the next week.
Engage in Meaningful Activities
Participating in activities that are meaningful provide us with a sense of purpose and fulfillment, even during difficult times. It shifts our focus from what’s lacking to what’s enriching. There’s a reason why behavioral activation is one type of evidenced-based therapy to help people who are experiencing depression.
The therapy protocol focuses on helping people who are depressed begin taking small actions every single day to engage in more activities that bring them a sense of pleasure or accomplishment. By increasing dopamine, the pleasure hormone, we help improve our overall mood and ability to think and reflect clearly. We can’t accurately identify what we value and care about most if we don’t have enough happy hormones! We can apply this methodology here, too.
Steps to Implement:
>> Explore Interests: Try out new hobbies or revisit old ones that you used to be passionate about. See how it feels to do them.
>> Volunteer: Try volunteering for causes that you care about. Helping others can provide a sense of accomplishment and purpose.
>> Connect with Like-Minded People: Join groups of communities that share similar interests or values as you. This can provide support, inspiration, and a sense of belonging. Examples are joining a recreational sports league, signing up for art classes, joining an interest group like a Meetup.
Practice Gratitude and Mindfulness
We can use mindfulness here in two ways.
First, to help us learn to accept the present moment just as it is without resisting it (resisting moments is what makes our pain become suffering).
Secondly, to learn to pay attention to how certain activities in life actually make us feel. This helps us gain clarity with our core personal values. We might think we value one thing, but then through time spent intentionally noticing how we’re feeling while completing certain activities, we might notice we don’t really value that activity highly.
An example could be forcing yourself to paint when it isn’t really a creative outlet for you anymore and it doesn’t leave you feeling fulfilled. It might be tempting to give up completely, but it’s highly likely that you’ll find a different creative activity that makes you feel like you’re truly expressing yourself if you keep trying new types of creative outlets.
If you never tuned into your feelings through greater awareness that mindfulness helps us develop, you would have never learned that painting isn’t truly a creative outlet for you! You would continue making yourself do it and beating yourself up for “not being able to relax enough.”
Steps to Implement:
>> Mindfulness Exercise: Engage in a mindfulness exercise that helps you learn to stay present and appreciate the small moments. There are many meditation apps such as Headspace and Calm that offer free meditations. You can also do a simple practice such as a mindful walk where you intentionally notice the way your body moves as you walk, paying attention to each of your five senses, and practicing observing your thoughts as they come into your mind.
>> Daily Gratitude Journal: Keep a journal near your bed and each evening before you go to bed, write down three things you are grateful for each day.
>> Positive Affirmations: Before going to sleep, use positive affirmations to reinforce a hopeful and purposeful mindset. It’s a new day tomorrow. You can tell yourself, “I am capable of finding joy in every situation” or “I am open to new opportunities for growth and fulfillment tomorrow.”
These strategies can help us shift our perspective, focus on what we can control, and find purpose even in the midst of disappointment. They help us use our feelings to propel us forward toward a better, more purposeful life; however, sometimes we get stuck in unhelpful reactions instead.
3 Unhelpful Reactions We Might Have to Difficult Times:
1. Withdrawal and Isolation:
Example: After a significant health diagnosis, you might find yourself pulling away from friends and family, feeling like no one can truly understand what you’re going through. This withdrawal can lead to increased feelings of loneliness and disconnection.
2. Anger and Frustration:
Example: Facing repeated setbacks in your career can lead to persistent anger and frustration. You might find yourself snapping at loved ones or feeling irritable over small inconveniences, which can strain your relationships and leave you feeling even more isolated.
3. Numbness and Apathy:
Example: Going through a prolonged period of difficulty, such as dealing with chronic illness, can result in emotional numbness. You may start to feel detached from your own life, losing interest in activities you once enjoyed and struggling to find motivation.
I try to intentionally take time to accept the elements of my circumstances that are outside of my control, identify any unhelpful reactions I’m holding onto, and find peace by taking action on the things that are still within my control. The practical strategies shared here are examples of ways to focus on what is within our control.
Even when there are many factors to our circumstances that are outside of our control, there is always something we can do to help us find purpose in this moment and connect it to our greater life journey.
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