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We all mess up sometimes.
Regardless of how mindful and kind-hearted we are, we may still get angry, fail somebody, or succumb to despair.
The truth is nobody’s perfect, and life isn’t perfect either. Bad things might happen on days that are supposed to be good, leaving us feeling frustrated and disappointed.
Those kind of days are the hardest to navigate because not only do we fail others, we also fail ourselves. When we feel guilt and shame, it’s difficult to practice self-love and give ourselves the hug we’d effortlessly give someone else.
We ruminate on what we have said or done and find ourselves stuck in an endless loop of overthinking. Saying “it’s okay” might be impossible and forgiving ourselves for whatever we may have done might be out of the question.
I felt that way yesterday. I messed up hard and I just couldn’t forgive myself. I struggled to find the kindness and compassion that are inherently abundant within me. I slept with a heavy heart, hoping that I could treat myself better in the morning.
Thinking about it now, I loathed myself yesterday. I couldn’t reach that space where I could see my unpleasant behavior and be okay with it. I was scared to face it all and undermine my own self-image.
Self-love is a tough, continuous journey. And amidst all our practices, the only thing that determines how much we love ourselves in the present moment is how much we’d be willing to forgive ourselves when we’re drowning in shame, guilt, and deep-seated self-hatred.
When we accumulate our negative emotions, we hurt ourselves and stay stuck in the past. That’s why when we can’t understand our shortcomings, we can’t possibly move beyond them.
A lack of self-forgiveness can also sabotage the relationship we have with ourselves and with those around us. Making peace with our undesirable actions and words is often severe. We can’t just put the judgmental voice in our heads on mute and move on with our life as if nothing’s wrong.
But if we truly love ourselves, we’d understand the nature and roots of our negative actions and try again another day. We can do better tomorrow. We can’t erase what we have done but we can tell ourselves that it’s okay—that we can learn, grow, heal.
Here’s how we can move beyond our mistakes:
>> Remember what you did or said.
>> Sympathise with yourself.
>> Be your own therapist and try to understand why you did what you did.
>> Accept and embrace your ugly emotions—such as guilt or anger.
>> Accept responsibility.
>> Make amends if necessary.
>> Think about what you have learned.
>> Notice when you are being harsh on yourself and breathe.
>> Remember that tomorrow is a new day.
>> Remember that you’re only human after all.
~
author: Elyane Youssef
Image: arash payam/Unsplash
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