Shortly after my father’s passing, there was a moment where my older daughter Miriam had walked into the room to hug me. I wrapped my arms around her, hugging her back, unaware that she was wearing one of my father’s jackets. My nose was instantly filled with his scent, and just as instantly, I was transported through so many memories. I had tears running down my face as I saw myself, 12 years old again, giving my father a kiss before he left for work. I was 17 years old, sitting on the couch with him, with my head on his shoulder, watching TV. I was 23 years old and talking with him about my upcoming wedding. A jolt of electricity went through me as I relived these precious moments, all via the vehicle of the scent of my father.
This is what is known as the Proustian moment. College term papers are written about this theme—it’s studied and examined and meditated on. It is defined as a sensory experience, like a smell, that triggers a memory of a time, place, or experience. The term is named after a passage in Proust’s “The Search of Lost Time,” where childhood memories flood back to the author after eating a madeleine cookie dipped in tea.
At Yom Kippur, we get our own Proustian moment, of sorts—though the sensory experience we’ll have will be more of a spiritual one. On Yom Kippur, we don’t eat or drink because we want to allow our body and soul to elevate to the highest spiritual level. By abstaining from food, drink, and physical comforts for this 25 hour window, we disconnect from the material world as a way to connect as clearly as possible to the spiritual realm. By doing this, we raise our consciousness and, from there, are given the opportunity to remove any negativity that we have accrued throughout the year.
Similarly to the way my experience after my father’s passing sent me through a cascade of memories, Yom Kippur will take us through a tour of our unconscious moments. Moments when we, knowingly or unknowingly, created negativity. There’s so much that we are unable to see—we are probably conscious of about 10% of the negativity that we have created or that we carry—which is why the purpose of the prayers on this day is to clean out everything fully. The Creator can only remove the things we are aware of, and bringing them to mind allows them to be removed and transformed.
This might seem like a harsh undertaking, but I’m going to illuminate two things to help you see it from a new perspective.
First, think of it like a rundown house. There are cracks everywhere, the paint is peeling, the sink is leaking, and the foundation is eroding. Yet, the person who lives there has lived in that space for so long that they don’t even notice anymore. Maybe they hung pictures over holes in the wall or covered a crack in the floor with a rug. They stop being aware of the damage. They may even have a friend who is a carpenter who offers to help them fix things, but as they walk through the house, they pass by blemish after blemish because they simply can’t see it anymore. They’ve deluded themselves for so long that the damage and the flaws start to just feel normal. But they are not the reality we want. When we address the unconscious negativity and repair the damage we find, we can live a more authentic, fulfilled life.
Second, nowhere are we more unconscious than in the ways we have hurt and damaged ourselves. Yes, we want to take into account how we have hurt others and it is imperative that we do so. But not to the detriment of ourselves. Our most unconscious judgments, evil speech, and negative actions are often the ones taken at ourselves. As you move through the hours of Yom Kippur and as your subconscious thoughts from the last year are revealed to you, remember to extend compassion toward yourself. It is so important to prioritize this consciousness upfront so that you don’t take it into the next year.
As you move through the hours of Yom Kippur and you are met with various states of discomfort, either physical or emotional, remember to ask the Creator for assistance. Connect with the Creator with the intention of gaining sight. Allow the negativity and damage to be fully revealed to you so that it can be fully removed. Let this Proustian moment of the soul take you to places that you wouldn’t otherwise go so that you might experience a level of Light that you never thought possible.
You will be giving yourself the greatest gift of all and will, in turn, be giving that gift to the world. A world desperately in need of your light.
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