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*Editor’s Note: Elephant is not your doctor or hospital. Our lawyers would say “this web site is not designed to, and should not be construed to provide medical advice, professional diagnosis, opinion, or treatment to you or any other individual, and is not intended as a substitute for medical or professional care and treatment. Always consult a health professional…” But we can’t afford lawyers, and you knew all that. ~ Ed
Why Midlife Is a Wake-Up Call, Not a Crisis
Does this sound familiar?
You wake up to a sunny day, expecting a smile to meet you, but instead you pull the covers over your head—already dreading a day you don’t even feel alive enough to face.
Yup.
That was me, and sometimes I still feel like that is me.
And yet, it’s not just me.
My husband is in the same boat.
We are both in our 40s and, yes, the inevitable has arrived.
May I just say:
PRE-FREAKING-MENOPAUSE. UGH!!!!
Turning 40 flipped a switch for me. Literally—on the dot.
I felt stuck, like someone pressed pause on my life and then hid the damn remote.
Suddenly, my purpose disappeared. Work felt hollow, like punching a clock for air.
My confidence? Tanked. My self-worth? Buried under layers of anxiety and exhaustion.
Not to mention, I felt puffy! Yeah, I said it: puffy!
Sleep became a royal pain in my ass—I couldn’t get any.
Progesterone pills turned me into a raging b*tch who cried if someone looked at me sideways or if I watched a dog commercial. Honestly, I would look at my six-year-old old beagle puppy and start crying for no reason other than that I knew one day she wouldn’t be here—and yes, my husband thinks I am nuts.
Hmmm, estrogen patches? Finally gave me a little breathing room. (To each their own!)
But even with patches, laughs with friends, and support around me—I still felt empty.
That’s the kicker—midlife isn’t just about the hormones. It’s about the silence inside.
Ok, real talk.
Here’s the truth: my husband was shifting too. But, it showed up more quietly. Less drive. Less passion. Sleeping in more. Smiling less. And when I asked? He didn’t even have the words.
For men, midlife can feel like running on a treadmill that won’t stop. Work once fueled them—now it just drains them.
They start comparing themselves to others, wondering if they missed their moment, or if their best is already behind them.
So while women are sweating through sleepless nights, screaming one minute and crying the next, men are quietly wondering if they’re still enough.
Different symptoms, same stuck feeling.
And when midlife stress shows up in a marriage, the hardest part is trying to talk about it.
Every time I opened my mouth, I felt like I was staging a victimized “poor me” show.
And in my head, I imagined his judgment—even if it wasn’t there. So, I stopped. I buried it all, right next to where I’d left my self-worth years ago.
And here’s the thing: when you bury yourself that deep, you forget how to dig back out.
But I realized something—it wasn’t about him not loving me, or me not being enough. It was about both of us carrying different weights at the same time. And walking through this life together—a clusterf*ck of a place—meant we weren’t actually alone.
One day I hit a wall.
My inner dialogue was loud: is this really all there is?
Then I listened to a podcast (yes, another one) about finding purpose through giving back, and it cracked something open.
Maybe the purpose I was searching for isn’t always about chasing titles or checking boxes. Maybe it’s about showing up for someone else when you barely feel like showing up for yourself.
At first, I laughed. Who am I to mentor anyone? I can’t even get my own sh*t together.
But then it hit me—sometimes the thing we think we’re too broken to give is the very thing that heals us. Purpose doesn’t have to be polished.
Purpose just has to be lived.
Our 40s can feel like a freefall—like the ground you’ve been standing on suddenly turns to quicksand. But they can also be the beginning of a whole new chapter. Because here’s the truth: you’re not broken. You’re shifting. We shift physically, but we also begin to shift our mindsets. And in that shift, there’s a chance to rediscover yourself, to reclaim your self-worth, and to step into the purpose that’s been waiting all along for you to catch up.
So if you feel stuck, tired, or buried—it’s not the end. It’s your invitation to rise.
So, RSVP please!
5 Ways to Survive & Thrive in Midlife
>> Redefine Success: my personal favorite. Midlife isn’t about what you didn’t do. It’s about asking, “What actually matters to me now?” Success when we’re 40 won’t look the same as it did when we were in our 20s. And that’s ok.
>> Try Something New: writing, painting, hiking, cooking, yoga—whatever lets your energy move. Don’t get stuck in deep thought because it will rot if it sits too long.
>> Speak About It: even when it feels like a “poor me” show and you’re playing the victim, speak it. Bring it up to a partner, a coach, or a therapist. Get past the uncomfortable point and get comfortable talking about it. (Guilty as charged here.)
>> Give Back: when you love others, you sometimes find the missing pieces of yourself. Look into volunteering or mentoring.
>> Most Importantly: don’t forget to be kind and patient with yourself.
This isn’t the end of your story, it’s a reset. And in the reset, there’s self- discovery and new life.
~
Starting your own perimenopause journey? Hope that you find these other aricles on Elephant relephant & helpful:
>> Perimenopause: The Unexpected Visitor that can Steal your Life.
>> Being Burned Alive: Fire, Becoming & the Gifts of Perimenopause.
>> Radical Self-Care for Perimenopause (or Any Life Stage that feels Extra Hard).
>> The Hidden Weight of Modern Womanhood: Why Menopause feels Harder than Ever.
~
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