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I woke up at 3 a.m. in a panic about the future.
The sense of dread and impending doom did not subside with the light of day.
I’ve been feeling off for a while and knew something had entered my system.
I don’t usually consume much news. I’m discerning with my sources and protective of the space in my mind.
But lately my boundaries became porous. I didn’t even notice that I had stopped listening to my inner barometer, as my inner world became hijacked by what I was taking in.
It started with wanting to stay informed, to make sense of the endless stream of bad news, to make sure I hear different perspectives.
But as an unwelcome virus, it quickly became something else.
I started experiencing urgency. A lot of pressure. A sense of scarcity bordering on panic that there is not enough time to listen to everything. And an obsessive need to keep up.
And underneath all of it is fear.
Fear about what may happen next.
Fear about the state of the world.
Fear about decisions being made by the minds I do not trust, affecting so many lives.
And then I noticed what that fear was doing inside me.
It was turning into anger. Intolerance. Even hate.
I started bickering with my husband.
I caught myself yelling at my mother. I haven’t done that in a long time.
She was speaking from a place that felt too obviously shaped by what she consumes.
And I reacted. I called her brainwashed by her one-sided propaganda.
And she threw back: “You are affected by propaganda too. Just a different one.”
And I couldn’t disagree.
Do you see what is happening right now?
Not only in the world, but inside of us.
We are being pulled into emotional extremes:
Urgency.
Certainty.
Division.
“Hate this one!”
“No, hate that one!”
And the more I try to keep up with it all, the more I feel myself being pulled away from myself.
So I stopped.
I went to a yoga class first thing in the morning.
I moved my body in rhythm with my breath.
I felt the delicious stretch in places that had been tight.
I inhaled the morning air—warm, slightly sweet, carrying the scent of flowers and the sound of birds.
After breathing, stretching, exerting my body, my mind paused, the bracing softened, and my body opened to receive.
Lying in savasana, I felt tears rise and wash over me.
No longer from fear, but with relief.
And I remembered: Life is good.
I went for a swim.
I let the water hold me, caress me.
My face relaxed, and my body softened into a smile.
I sat on the sand and let the sun kiss my skin.
My forehead.
My lips.
My chest.
My belly.
My legs.
And I remembered: I am safe and I am loved.
The future is uncertain.
It always has been.
But right now, in this moment, life is pulsating all around me. And I want to meet it in aliveness, while I am still among the living.
When I shrink, constrict, disconnect, and act from fear, I disconnect and abandon myself.
My job is to remain sovereign.
To not collapse into the idea that someone outside of me can control my heart, my mind, my body, my soul.
To stay connected to my own inner world.
To be discerning about what I let in.
To stay true to myself, especially now.
Because when I abandon myself under the pressure of what is happening in the world, I become the instrument of the very force that is creating more fear, more division, more disconnection.
I refuse to make enemies of my family members, neighbors, or strangers online.
Instead, I train myself for resilience, for discernment, for the capacity to stay open and in service to others without collapsing into fear.
Yes, the future is uncertain.
It always has been.
I am not asking you to tolerate the unforgivable.
I am asking:
Where is your anger pointing you?
What is it revealing about your own needs, your values, your boundaries?
And where in your life are you being asked to say no and to practice it until it no longer brings fear or guilt?
Now is the time to become more steady, more clear, more rooted in yourself.
Because right now, in this moment, you are alive, breathing, feeling.
And you have choices.
Because if we want a future that does not resemble the past, we cannot keep reacting from the same place that created the past.
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