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“Live a life in balance—with time for deep relaxation, hard work, loving family, dear friends, good food and beautiful Nature—and you shall be happy.”
Something like that, anyways. I read a quote once about living a life in balance. And it…made me…sigh.
Once upon a time…I took a vacation. For decades, I didn’t have the time or money to travel. Now that I’m a parent, I work nights. Balance is not a thing of perfection or calm—it’s more like surfing down a 70-foot wave as tall as a skyscraper.
As any parent or entrepreneur or public servant might tell you, tell me, balance is not always possible when focus and sacrifice are required.
From a Buddhist point of view, an ability to stop moving, to be bored, is the key to neverending energy and presence of mind that is required to do many things, well. But how do we do that when we don’t have the time to stop and pause and breathe?
Recently, on Instagram, a yoga friend posted a pretty inspiring picture and quote about balance.
F*ck balance. We never have balance.
The trick is…to be present.
Moms, entrepreneurs, athletes, public servants shouldn’t aspire to balance.
We should aspire to presence.
Parents aren’t balanced. Entrepreneurs aren’t balanced. Athletes aren’t balanced. Teachers, or many of those who serve the welfare of others, aren’t always balanced.
The truth is, anyone who is doing anything un-selfish, or focused, or larger than them, can not always be balanced.
Is it important to care for ourselves? Yes. Is it possible to stay balanced? Not always.
There’ll be times when we’re tired…and have to keep going. When we’re hungry, but can’t take a break. When we’re worn down, but have to find a way to return to the present moment and give it all. When we’re told to be free of our screens around our children—but we’re working, or videoing with a loved one.
In my experience, as an entrepreneur, I haven’t enjoyed much in the way of balance over the years. That’s hard, but that’s also…okay. I haven’t valued it. I’ve valued working hard, then relaxing when I can. Working hard, then exercising when I can (hiking or strolling with my dog, climbing, yoga, and most consistently of all commuting via bicycle every day between work sessions). Working hard, then having fun when I can.
I just can’t always do balance. Building a dream, a business, a vision, and now a family—has taken often 18 hours a day, 7 days a week—for decades.
In particularly tired moments, I dream of living in an old folks’ home when I’m an old folk. And having nothing to do but go for a walk, see some friends, watch some movie with fresh popcorn, read. I love my work, and it’s been too much for me, often.
Balance hasn’t sustained me. The trick, instead, has been to *manage stress.*
Instead of yearning after a goal I can’t attain, and feeling guilty at my failure to maintain it—balance—I’ve worked myself too hard…*and* sought to eat right, exercise, and meditate, enjoy moments of space (in line for coffee, I do nothing or talk with someone instead of busying myself on my phone).
And that’s worked, mostly. More to the point, it’s been a practical, achievable goal.
Balance is not a static thing. It’s a moving thing.
Remember: a runner leans forward. He or she leans forward, not upright. A surfer’s balance isn’t still or peaceful or static, but a thing of left and right and up and down and “watch out for that wave!” and, ah, moments of flow.
So perhaps that “managing stress” is a form of balance. Perhaps being off-balance, as with those surfers, can be a form of balance. If so, great. But I don’t yearn for peace on a mountaintop. I don’t yearn for what I can’t realize, right now. I yearn for right now.
You know what’s also highly overrated? Multitasking. Filling the space. Being efficient.
I yearn for being present, whatever the situation.
And I practice being present through meditation twice daily. So can you.
As my parents’ Buddhist teacher said,
Chaos
should be regarded as
Extremely good News!
He also said,
Cheer up! We don’t have to take ourselves or our lives so seriously. We can celebrate!
So give yourself a break, even if it’s just commuting by bike instead of car, or boredom in that line for coffee, or fully enjoying an espresso instead of half-appreciating your coffee to-go. Moments of pause within the chaos are sustaining, giving our minds and hearts time to process and breathe.
~
Image: @reaphillipsart/Instagram
Editor: Molly Murphy
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