—Why it’s the Best Decision I’ve ever Made.
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There is something I’ve been doing for the past few months that I would probably not have imagined myself doing a few years ago: I block people I love.
Not permanently—just temporarily.
Not because I have fallen out with them, not because I have decided they are bad people, and certainly not because I have decided I never want to see them again. I block them because sometimes things change, either in their life or mine, and I realise that I need some space from them.
It is not a permanent goodbye. It is more like stepping out of a room that has suddenly become too loud and closing the door for a while.
I have come to realise that there are people in my life who are important enough that I don’t want to delete them, but sometimes I simply cannot deal with them. Sometimes they have done something that has hurt me, and I need time to grieve. Sometimes I am simply overwhelmed by the relationship and need some distance before I can cope with it again. And sometimes I know they have done something wrong, but they will not recognize or apologize, and I know I’m not interested in having the same argument over and over again.
Because most people don’t really change. At least not for any one person. They don’t change for their parents, their children, their partners, or the people they love. They certainly don’t change because you give a long speech about how much they hurt you.
If they ever do change, they change for themselves.
But many never get to that point. And that can make relationships difficult to navigate, at least temporarily. It does not mean the relationship is over. Sometimes it just means that I need to take a beat, step away, and give myself the space to figure out what I am feeling before I decide what I want to do about it.
So, I don’t delete them. In fact, I don’t delete anyone anymore. I’ve reached that stage in my life where the people who simply don’t belong in my life are already gone. Anyone who has consistently given me grief, caused me pain, or made my life substantially worse…yeah, bye-bye!
And the people I haven’t deleted are here because I still want them to be. Some are friends. Some are family. Some are people I have known for years. And some are people I genuinely love, even though they can occasionally drive me completely f*cking crazy. Family is particularly complicated because, like it or not, they’re family.
So, I do the next best thing.
I block them. I block them on WhatsApp, Instagram, Facebook, and whatever platform connects us. And then I disappear.
If I could quantify the peace I find during those few months…literally, priceless.
What happens next, you wonder? Well, when I am ready to allow them back in my life, I unblock them.
Sometimes they are waiting for me. Sometimes they reach out first. Sometimes nothing has changed at all except my ability to let them back in and deal with whatever it was that made me block them. That time apart gives me the peace I need to start over again.
And I’ve realised there is no specific, one-size-fits-all timeframe. Everyone is different, and so is every relationship. The only thing that matters is how long it takes me to find my peace and feel ready to have them back in my life. These blocks have lasted anywhere from a month to one year.
And the people themselves? Sometimes they notice. Many times they don’t.
Now and then, someone I have blocked will reach out in another way, or eventually get through and say, “Hey, I messaged you. You never replied. What’s going on?” Sometimes I tell them the truth. Sometimes I don’t. There have been occasions when they genuinely understand that they did something wrong and are trying, at least for now, to make an effort. I don’t expect them to suddenly become different people. I don’t even believe they can. But I can recognise an attempt when I see one, and sometimes that attempt is enough for me to open the door again.
And sometimes they don’t do anything at all. They are exactly where they have always been, behaving exactly as they have always behaved, and I am the one who has changed. I have three months or six months of space—sometimes even longer—and somewhere along the way I realise I can handle their sh*t again. The person hasn’t necessarily become easier to deal with. I have simply had enough time away to get myself back to a place where I can deal with them without losing my peace.
That, for me, is the important distinction. I don’t block people because I want to punish them. I block them because I need to protect myself. There is a difference between cutting someone out of your life and temporarily stepping away because you are not in a place to have them there without it costing you something.
So I have stopped thinking of relationships in such absolute terms. I don’t think every disagreement has to become a breakup, every disappointment has to become a permanent deletion, or every period of silence has to mean that something is irrevocably broken. Sometimes you need to give yourself enough distance to stop reacting and start thinking—let the anger settle, let the hurt become less raw, and slowly let them back into your life.
Perhaps this is one of those things that comes with getting older: realising that not every relationship has to fit into the neat categories of “forever” or “never again.”
Some people can move in and out of our lives without actually leaving them.
Sometimes love means staying, sometimes it means letting someone go, and sometimes, apparently, it means blocking them on WhatsApp, disappearing for six months, getting your head together, and then deciding you are ready to deal with their sh*t again.
And I’ve now realised that is okay too.
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