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I’ve been struggling to write for a while now and it’s not so much because I lack time or energy, but mainly because I’ve been feeling uninspired.
I’ve been feeling that maybe I don’t have a lot to say or I’ve said it all.
However, something struck me, and I felt my inspiration coming back to me again.
I did a podcast with an amazing lady where we began by talking about me—my journey. While I did share some bits of my journey, that was the tip of the tip of the iceberg. It was nothing actually! I don’t like being asked this question or being put in a position where I have to talk about myself, and that’s not because I’m a therapist. That is because I have a slight issue with being vulnerable.
I cannot bare my insides to the world because I have gone through truck loads of sh*t in my life. I have seen and gone through things that a lot of people can’t fathom, and I don’t want anyone to ever be in those positions. I have an issue because my vulnerability has never been understood. So I learnt to put on a mask, keep my stuff to myself, and move on. That’s the only way I have kept myself safe. And that’s one side of vulnerability—it’s scary.
Being vulnerable means opening yourself up to the world, sharing your deepest, darkest fears and moments, your desires and wishes, hurts and pains, hoping and wishing that the world will hold you, understand, empathise with you, and give you the reassurance that it’s okay. You are okay. But at times, or most of the time, the world does a sh*tty job of it because the world around us is scared of vulnerability too!
And while I know that I’m not going to open myself up just like that and share parts of my story here and there, I am no longer scared of it. Now it’s not about the world outside, but my world inside that understands the immense power of vulnerability, and I know when, how, and with whom to be vulnerable. Vulnerability is my friend, and I want to look out for it.
And in making it my friend, I have realised that there is another side to it and that is freedom.
When you embrace and accept your vulnerability (i.e. become open to your own thoughts, emotions, and experiences without any judgement), you also become free of shame, guilt, anger, helplessness, and resentment. You allow yourself to connect with the deeper parts of you and draw strength from your experiences. You learn to hold space for yourself, pick yourself up, and find a way forward.
“Owning our story and loving ourselves through that process is the bravest thing that we’ll ever do.”~ Brené Brown
And it’s only then that you slowly start coming into your own self and eventually realise that you don’t need to depend on the world outside to validate you, your emotions, or your experience in any way. You choose the parts of you that you want to bare and to whom with the awareness of the risk that comes with it.
But getting there is the journey and destination. You can draw strength from your vulnerability only when you learn to trust yourself and can hold space for your emotions without tossing them away. You sit with them, feel them fully, and then let them go. That’s when that scary vulnerability becomes your ally, and trust me, it’s the most amazing best friend you’ll ever have.
Getting there is not easy and more so in a world that itself is scared of it and thinks the only way to not be scared is to stifle and suppress it in some way.
But don’t let yourself fall prey to such notions. Being vulnerable is both empowering and freeing even though it may feel scary at times, and that is what is going to lead you to yourself.
“Vulnerability is the essence of connection and connection is the essence of existence.” ~ Leo Christopher
For all those who struggle to embrace your emotional experience, here are a few things that you can do to get started:
1. Start by acknowledging your emotions. Notice whatever you feel without any judgement. Vulnerability begins by being honest with yourself.
2. Move toward building self-acceptance. You have flaws; you aren’t perfect because you’re not supposed to be. You will fall; learn to pick yourself up again. You will fail, only to learn again.
3. Choose wisely. Being open about your experiences and emotions doesn’t mean that you have to go around the world, telling your story. It means choosing the right people to share your story with—those who actually can listen, be present, and understand. Not everyone deserves to know your truth and they don’t need to. You know it and that’s enough.
4. Get comfortable with discomfort because looking within and especially at those parts of you that you’ve kept hidden or the ones that hurt too much will never be easy. You need to do it anyway.
5. Remember, your vulnerability is about you. It’s not about how you want others to respond. Rather, take their responses to refine your choices.
Remember, on the other side lies freedom, creativity, joy, resilience, and authenticity. But you have to wade through the swamp to get there.
And once you do, you will finally breathe.
“Vulnerability sounds like truth and feels like courage. Truth and courage aren’t always comfortable, but they’re never weakness.” ~ Brené Brown
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