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Archetypically, there are two ways we can experience sexuality.
There is Mars sex.
And there is Mercury sex.
Mars sex is the sexuality most of us recognize.
Mars—the Roman counterpart to the Greek god Ares—is the god of war. And Mars sexuality carries that same kind of force. In Esoteric Astrology, Mars represents the human emotional body.
It is raw, primal, and irresistible.
Desire meets desire.
It is the kind of sex where you barely make it through the door. Clothes come off quickly. Buttons might actually go flying. The kissing in itself is a storybook. The baseline desire for both people is to consume and be consumed to merge so completely with another person that for a moment the boundary between you and me seems to disappear.
Mars sex says: I want you.
And the body answers, “Yes. Please.”
Mars sex is delicious. In fact, it is one of the great pleasures of being alive in a human body. It gives access to instinct, appetite, lust, surrender, and the tremendous life force that moves through sexuality.
But there is another archetype of sexuality that we speak about far less.
Mercury sex.
Mercury—the Roman counterpart to Hermes—is the messenger god. He travels between worlds, carrying messages between Mount Olympus and the mortal realm. In Esoteric Astrology, he represents the higher level of intelligence. A soul level intelligence.
And this is exactly how I understand Mercurial sexuality.
Mercury sex is not necessarily a different kind of sex. It is a different relationship to what happens through sex.
Mercury sex is lying there afterward—maybe in that proverbial cigarette-after-sex moment—and becoming curious about what just happened between us.
What happened in me when your body met mine?
Where did my desire intensify? Where did it disappear?
What happened when I felt you wanting me more?
What happened when I felt you pull away?
Why did I suddenly want to turn onto my stomach?
Why did I stop moving the way I normally move?
What happened in that moment when I felt myself chasing an orgasm, recognized the pattern, and let it go?
What happened when I opened my body more to you—and you met me there?
This is Mercury sex.
It is sexuality becoming an intelligent messenger.
A messenger of soul to soul communication.
There is an intelligence to sexuality that we have barely begun to understand.
Our sexuality carries information. This intelligence is why I study sexuality. For me, studying my sexuality with a Mercurian intelligence has brought more patterns to light than years of talk therapy.
Sexuality reveals our patterns of attachment. Our relationship with receiving. Our relationship with control. Our capacity for surrender. The places where we perform. The places where we disappear. The places where we reach for another person. The places where we protect ourselves from them. The places we stay safe. Our masks and the terror it might look like if we take our masks off. How our body will open or not open to someone else. The level of trust we have in our body for our truth as well as their truth. The exploration is endless.
Some of our deepest patterns in life move through us in sex.
And when we begin paying attention to how we move sexually, not simply whether the sex was “good” or whether we had an orgasm, sexuality opens a pathway into understanding the psyche, the soul, and the soma at a much deeper level.
This is what I mean when I speak about sexual intelligence.
Sexual intelligence asks us to become interested in what sexuality is telling us.
And the messages begin long before two bodies ever touch.
I have written before about how sexuality is confusing primarily because it begins in the energetic field.
Something in me reaches toward something in you. Something in you answers me or doesn’t answer me. Our bodies begin communicating before our conscious minds have necessarily understood what is happening.
This is part of why sexuality can be so confusing.
We have been taught to recognize sexuality primarily through its Mars expression: attraction, chemistry, lust, arousal, passion, orgasm.
We have received far less education in how to recognize the messages traveling underneath those experiences.
Can you feel the moment attraction appears and how it cascades or flutters in your body? When you move closer to someone who you meet, does your body open and fall into them or ever so slightly contract? When you begin to feel desire, can you track when that desire moves to arousal? Do you know when you are performing in sex? When you are doing the movements you always “do” to achieve an orgasm? What does it look like for you to move differently? What insecurities arise as you realize you want to move differently? At what moment do you tip over and completely lose yourself in the other? Do you know where your experience ends and theirs begins as your bodies move together? Can you feel when you want to get up and leave? What does it mean to you when you or the other person lose arousal? What story arises?
The list can go on and on. All of these minuscule moments are information.
Neither Mars nor Mercury is better.
We need both.
Mars lets us experience sexuality.
Mercury helps us understand what sexuality is revealing.
Mars gives us the fire.
Mercury gives the fire language.
And when we learn both the primal and the intelligent, instinct and awareness, body and messenger, sexuality becomes something far larger than an experience we have with another person.
It becomes an intelligence.
One capable of teaching us about our bodies, our patterns, our relationships, our psyche, and perhaps even our souls.
Maybe the next frontier of sexuality isn’t learning how to have better sex; it’s learning how to listen to the intelligence our sexuality has been trying to tell us all along.
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