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Most of us don’t really know how to live.
If we’re being honest with ourselves, we really don’t.
And while we think we’re “living” (and moving and shaking and doing our best), there comes a point in our lives where things just slow down. We wake up every day, and seemingly go through the same motions. Eat, workout, work, dinner, drinks on the weekend, meetup with a pal, a fun trip here and there, a party to look forward to. Repeat.
But year in and year out, can we genuinely call this a well-lived life? There is nothing wrong with mundane, or simple but, still—I can’t help but wonder if what we’re really doing is slowly giving ourselves permission to die.
How do we allow ourselves to slowly die while we’re still alive and well?
We are born curious creatures, but as we get older, our passions, motivations, and ambitions tend to wane. We let go of dreams. We stop taking care of ourselves, body, mind, and soul. We “accept” our lot in life—a mediocre job, a lackluster relationship, a “small picture” reality. We don’t do the things we need to do in order to remain adventurous and spirited. Instead of trying something new (and perhaps failing), we choose to simply exist because we think it isn’t worth the letdown. Day in and day out, we get older in the process.
Case in point: I’ve always wanted to have a go at selling my art. Have I taken the steps to sell my art yet? Do I think too much time has passed, I’m too old, I’m not good enough, I’m too tired? Yes, yes, yes, and yes. But it’s these thoughts that are unaliving me, and it’s time to change that.
Here are 10 ways we unalive ourselves every day:
1. We don’t limit our social media. Why do we post so much? I guess we crave attention, fame, notoriety, validation. A lot of us scroll the day away, looking to see what’s going on. Looking for connection. Or to see what other folks are doing. To laugh, maybe. We process what’s thrown at us, too. Endless products that feed our insecurities. It’s an enormous amount of screen time. The constant selling of ourselves is soul depleting. The daily scroll to see what others are “selling” is a time suck, and nothing unalives us faster than wasted time.
2. We don’t go outside. In the winter, we complain it’s too cold. In summer, it’s too damn hot. We fail to remember our bodies adapt. Fresh air cleanses our psyche, and it’s good for us. Outside is an immediate mood boost, but we have to give it a chance first.
3. We get super dehydrated. We sip coffee, diet soda, alcoholic drinks…but never enough water. It’s killing us.
4. We stop socializing in person, and remain in our own little holes. We see it all the time. A couple sits down for lunch. They chat for a bit, but it isn’t long before they are lured back to their phones. Parents at the park seemingly “watching” their kids, but yet, that phone keeps beckoning. We think we’re connected to our social groups. We comment and like our friend’s photos and posts, but we don’t actually reach out to set up a date. We don’t bother to have conversations. Authentic social interaction gives us deeper connections, and it’s those connections that help us stay vibrant. We don’t make memories if we hide behind screens.
5. We no longer marvel at the marvelous. Everything has been photographed ad nauseam. Even the little things we once found to be so wonderful no longer thrill us. Waterfalls, sunsets, a child playing in a puddle, an apple pie cooling in the window. The marvelous parts of life need to be noticed every time they show up.
6. We say no too often. We isolate. We get lost in our own activities and our own lives and we stop wanting more. Sometimes we need to simply have a “yes” day. A “yes” day is when we decide to say yes to everything—even if we are busy or not sure.
7. We say yes too often. See what I did there? Just demonstrating that living a good life can be about balance and moderation. We have time and energy for the things we want to do when we learn to say no without excuses to the things we don’t.
8. We stop baring our souls. Emotion is what keeps us human. It’s okay to cry, laugh, express our desires, and live honestly inside each moment.
9. We stop meeting new people and making new friends. Friendship is a little bit of work, but mainly it’s about showing up. That’s it. New friends can turn into best friends, and it’s good for us to branch out. We learn so much from others, and fresh ideas keep us from dying slowly.
10. We rush the process. We rush everything, actually. We keep trying to save time. Time for what? If all we’re doing is rushing around, how is this a life? We can’t rush through our lives. We need to take it one hour, one day at a time. Savoring life is the key to happiness.
Does anything on this list strike a chord with you? How do you “unalive” yourself every damn day? If you can relate, perhaps it’s time to make a few changes. We each get one life. I know I’m not ready to dial in my days just yet.
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