There’s a certain holiday that many people just seem to count themselves out of each year. They see it on the calendar and decide isn’t for them. It’s a holiday for the couples, for newlyweds, for romantic partners, it’s for people who have that kind of love in their lives.
No, it isn’t Valentine’s Day. And no, you don’t have to skip it if you’re single.
Every summer, under the light of the Full Moon in the month of Leo, we reach Tu B’Av. It’s a moment of love, unity, and spiritual connection. Cosmically, this marks the beginning of the sun and moon’s reunion, making it a day associated with the union of soulmates. It’s often lovingly referred to as the “Kabbalistic Valentine’s Day,” and I understand why. But this ancient holiday is far more than romantic fluff. It’s a powerful energetic window that opens us to soulmate love. This kind of love is found not only in the form of a partner, but also in the form of purpose, fulfillment, and deep inner alignment.
This distinction really matters. Because if you think this day is only for people in relationships, you will walk right past one of the most generous openings of the entire year.
The Borrowed Dresses
On this day in ancient times, the single young women of Jerusalem would head to the vineyards and dance in borrowed white dresses in hopes of meeting their potential partners.
Why were the dresses borrowed? So that no one could recognize who was rich and who was poor.
I love this detail so much. Not only because it’s charming—can you imagine how beautiful that must have been?—but because it stripped away any signal of status. Whatever material advantage you thought you were bringing, and whatever disadvantage you were afraid you were bringing, would have been totally invisible this night. As it should be, because nothing in the physical world is a determiner of how much Love is available for someone.
Love was, and is always, an equal opportunity blessing.
No matter where we are in our journey, we too, can “borrow” the Light that’s uniquely pure and strong during this window of time. You don’t have to qualify for it. You don’t have to have a partner. You don’t have to have your life in order first. It’s available, and it’s available to you.
The Joining of Opposites
In a month ruled by the sun, the 15th of Av also marks the Full Moon. Think about what that actually means: the fullest expression of the moon, arriving in the height of the sun’s season. Two forces that are usually described as opposites, meeting at their peak, at the same moment.
This day is about the joining of opposites, or better said, complements. The meeting of the earthly and the spiritual worlds. Think of this time as a moment where the Creator and the Creation unite in perfect harmony. It’s a beautiful expression of cosmology but it also mirrors the same principle that is at work inside each of us.
The unique energy around Tu B’Av can help us realign with that perfected version of ourselves that always exists in the upper realms. This is the highest and most unconditionally loving version of you, the one that isn’t managing, defending, comparing, or auditioning. That version of you already exists. It has never stopped existing. And that you have the power to magnetize the people, situations, and relationships that are meant for your highest level of fulfillment.
It’s time for manifesting our destiny.
On Soulmates, and the Letter That Never Comes
Kabbalistically, soulmates are two halves of the same soul.
The question I’m asked more than almost any other is: “How do I know if my husband, my wife, my partner is my soulmate?” And people are usually hoping I’ll give them a checklist, or a sign, or some way to be sure. The answer I give is rarely the one they’re looking for so they’ll follow it up with a different question.
“How do you and Michael know that you’re soulmates?”
The answer is that Michael and I both share an unshakable certainty that we are, and that together we are living our life purpose. Just like anyone else, we will never receive an embossed, signed letter from the Creator certifying that we are authentic soulmates. And we don’t need one.
The purpose of relationships isn’t an external validation of your soulmate status anyway. A relationship is a vehicle through which two people bring great Light to the world. When there is love, understanding, and compassion in a relationship, that love reverberates throughout the world, healing in ways we may never know. And the reverse is just as true. When there is discord in a relationship, it can create animosity and negativity that travel just as far.
So we have a great responsibility. Not just to grow as individuals and as a couple, but to realize that the health of our relationship influences the entire world.
How to Use This Window
Whatever your relationship status, here is what I’d offer:
Borrow the dress. For one day, set down the story about what you lack, what you’ve failed at, or why you’re behind. Nobody in the vineyard can see it. Move through this day as the highest version of you, and notice what changes about what you attract.
Act as if! If you are in a relationship, stop auditing whether this person is your soulmate and start behaving as though they are. Certainty isn’t something you receive. It’s something you decide.
Widen the definition. Soulmate love shows up as purpose, as work that uses you fully, as friendship, as alignment with the Creator. Ask for that too. Let it come in whatever form it’s meant to come in.
Tonight, the sun and the moon begin their reunion. Something in you is being invited to do the same. Whether you are single or partnered, today is a day to welcome the energy of soulmates—of union, divine love, and purpose—into your heart.
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