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A close family member recently went through a divorce.
Around the same time, many of us in the family started to move back to the southern part of India where the majority of our family is from. The idea is that we would all live separately and have our space but live close enough so that we could be there for one another.
Luckily for this family member, our family took over and walked her through the traumatic phase of being divorced after more than a decade of marriage. When she was ready and willing to talk about the breakup, the one thing she said repeatedly was how she went from being a Mrs. to a Ms. And this change of personal honorific did more to dent her self-esteem and self-worth than anything else.
In the weeks following her confession, the family jumped in and did what we could to make her feel better. We took her out for dinners, stayed over, took weekend trips, bonded over booze and binge-watching, cussed her ex, and so much more. Whether any of that helped with her self-esteem or self-worth remains to be seen. But it did make her feel better in the moment.
During this time, she said something that stayed with me:
“Roop, for too long I connected my self-worth and identity to someone else. I need to take it back.”
Analyzing how and why we feel compelled to connect our self-worth and identity to someone else—whether it’s a partner, parent, child, or friend—is a story for another day. I was more interested in the various activities that our extended family did for her that allowed her to bounce back, albeit just a little.
Inspired by this, I wondered about other unique ways people boost their self-esteem when they’re struggling. So, I reached out to my extended friend circle and asked them for quirky and different ways we can all improve our own sense of self-worth.
The responses I received put a big smile on my face, and I hope they do the same for you:
1. Create a Personal Anthem.
Choose a song that resonates deeply with you and makes you feel powerful and valued. Play it during your morning routine or anytime you need a self-esteem boost.
One of my friends said that she used the song “Survivor” and has written her own lyrics.
Out of the silence, up from the dark,
Life’s like a canvas, I’m making my mark.
Lost my light, but I found my spark,
Push through the shadows, I’ll rise by my heart.
Chorus:
It’s the light in my eyes, it’s the will to survive,
As I face every wave, I’m alive, feeling brave.
With the strength I will find, in the fight, in my mind,
I’ll keep pushing on through, getting back to you.
She says it’s silly and stupid but it works for her. She even recorded her belting out this version of the song loudly and totally off-key and plays it whenever she needs a pick-me-up.
When I asked her why she doesn’t play the original song, she said, “It doesn’t give me control over my life the way I need it. I am not a singer or a musician who can create a melody or write poetry. But I can make up lyrics to a famous song. Hearing myself sing with all the gusto reminds me that all is not lost!”
2. Start a Brag Book.
A friend of mine has adopted a unique approach to boosting her self-esteem: she keeps a “Brag Book.” This isn’t just any journal—it’s a dedicated online document where she meticulously records every achievement, every compliment, and all positive feedback she receives. She’s committed to updating this document daily, making it a ritual to acknowledge and celebrate her successes, both big and small.
She says that the Brag Book serves as a powerful tool for combating negative thoughts and self-doubt. Whenever she feels overwhelmed or defeated, she opens her Brag Book to revisit her accomplishments and the positive impact she’s made. This practice not only helps her maintain a positive outlook but also reinforces her sense of self-worth by providing tangible evidence of her capabilities.
She assured me that her commitment to this practice has transformed how she views herself and her life, proving that regularly affirming one’s worth can lead to profound changes in self-perception and emotional well-being. This approach not only offers immediate comfort during tough times but also gradually builds a more enduring foundation of self-confidence.
3. Adopt a Power Pose.
A friend recently shared with me an intriguing piece of advice she received from her therapist: to practice power-posing every day. Specifically, she was advised to stand in a posture of confidence—like placing her hands on her hips or raising her arms in a victorious “V” shape—for a few minutes at a time. Initially, she was skeptical, dismissing it as somewhat silly. However, she decided to give it a try.
To her surprise, she found that these power poses have made a significant difference in how she feels. Over time, my friend noticed that simply assuming these poses made her feel more assertive and self-assured, especially in situations where she previously felt intimidated or anxious. This seemingly small change in her daily routine has had a profound impact on her self-confidence, showing her—as her therapist had advised her—how our body language can directly influence our mental state.
It’s a powerful reminder of the link between our physical stance and our psychological well-being.
4. Create Art from your Failures.
This is what another friend sent me.
“Roops! I’ve been transforming my failures into a unique art project! It started with a pile of rejected project proposals and some unfinished sketches. Instead of letting them clutter my space, I decided to create a collage on a canvas. I’ve been cutting up those old documents and sketches, and rearranging them into something new.
One piece that stands out is turning harsh feedback into a phoenix’s wings; it symbolizes rising from setbacks and feels incredibly empowering. This art project has not only beautified my failures but also helped me detach from the negativity they once represented. It’s turned into a fun, reflective activity! It’s a therapeutic way to handle those tough moments!”
Wow! How cool is this idea to literally turn your failures into art? We could write down things that didn’t go as planned on pieces of paper and turn them into a collage, or use them in a scrapbook. As my friend said, this can help us normalize failures as part of our growth and learning process.
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Throughout this journey of sharing stories and gathering diverse ways to enhance self-worth, it’s clear that there’s no one-size-fits-all solution. What truly matters is finding that personal spark—something that resonates deeply with us—and integrating it into our routine, transforming day-to-day challenges into stepping stones for personal growth and self-discovery.
I’m eager to continue this exploration and have one more idea to toss into the mix: practicing daily affirmations. By simply setting aside a few moments each day to verbally affirm my strengths and aspirations, I’ve started to notice a subtle yet significant shift in my confidence and outlook. Maybe it’s something you might find worthwhile, too?
Now, I’d love to hear from you!
What unique methods have you discovered that help boost your self-esteem? Have any of the ideas we’ve talked about today inspired you to try something new, or do you have your own strategies that you swear by? Leave a comment below, and let’s keep building our paths to greater self-confidence together.
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