CoDA Weekly Reading

B-O-U-N-D-A-R-I-E-S

Being raised very strictly as a Southern Baptist military brat, my boundaries were set for me. They were cut and dried, and to cross one meant extreme punishment. Eventually even respecting these unreasonable and inconsistent boundaries led to excessive beatings, so the lines became obscured and life became even more stressful. I have never known how to have or respect boundaries for myself or others. The only boundaries I've ever experienced were built upon fear of consequences. Since I have been learning about boundaries in my step-work a new perception is beginning to emerge and I see the importance of setting and respecting healthy boundaries. I feel that maybe I was insulted or angry at boundaries and saw them as a form of punishment or rejection.

I now see that healthy boundaries play a major role in my health and well-being and for my personal growth in the recovery process. However, this new emerging self is everything but kosher with many people who aren't used to me having boundaries. They either adjust or they leave. When they leave it saddens me that the relationship was codependent and superficial. Like a stage prop that looks great on the outside but has no substance and can be blown over very easily.

The relationships that can adjust to my transmutation of self are special. These relationships become even more beautiful and fulfilling as they adjust out of respect and consideration for my newly forming self. They give me the proper space to grow without trying to impede my efforts like the people who left without even trying to understand my process.

I am at peace now with people staying and also with people going. I don't need naysayers or doomsday projectors when recovery is tough enough on its own. It takes courage to look inside into the depths of one's soul, so it's crucial for me to feel safe around the people I allow into my space. It's not easy setting boundaries and dealing with whatever aftermath it creates. Each time when what I felt was a solid relationship ends, it feels like a death and there is a period of letting go and mourning before I can forge ahead once again. I continue to pray each day that my channel to my higher power stays clear as I am guided through the rough waters towards becoming happy, healthy and whole.

Namaste.

Pamela W. December 14th, 2019