Today with this article I want you to know a very powerful truth – narcissists can’t hook in and take down just anyone.
They go after specific people with particular susceptibilities. I promise you that I know this to be true after working with tens of thousands of people.
In this article I’m going to share with you the top 6 susceptibilities that narcissists actively identify within you, when they are meeting you, to work out if you are a target worth ensnaring, abusing and inevitably sucking the Soul out of.
The information in this article could save you years of heartache and pain, because if you know what these susceptibilities are you’ll be able to work on them – and not fall for a toxic abuser that will make your life a living hell ever again.
Okay, so how do you get empowered and inoculated against narcissists?
It’s not by learning about them. It truly is about recognising what it is about you that has made you susceptible to a narcissist so you can heal, tighten and toughen these things up!
That’s what the Thriver Recovery work is all about, so that not only do you get released from the trauma of narcissistic abuse, but also Thrive in your new life moving forward.
When I share these top 6 susceptibilities with you, I know that you will understand how narcissistic abuse happens to wonderful, good people who were usually indoctrinated into being the way they have been.
Today, these truths will help set you free.
Let’s get going!
Number 1 – You Find It Difficult To Speak Up And Set Boundaries
Most of us were not taught healthy assertion. We were not trained to be clear about our own established healthy values, truths and choices. Rather we were taught to “go along to get along”, to “keep the peace” and not hurt other people’s feelings.
This meant even when things felt “wrong” or “not true” or “not healthy” we may have not spoken up because we didn’t want to confront someone.
Absolutely, we have had the fears of CRAP (criticism, rejection, abandonment and punishment) if we expressed our own opinion. This is especially true with the people who we want to love us, be with us and grant us love, approval, security or even survival. As little people we may have discovered that it was easier to please others, and that by doing so it was much safer.
This I know with all of my heart, and have experienced it personally, as well as helping people worldwide heal from these self-limitations. Our relationships are not formed by “treating others how we wish to be treated ourselves”, they are created from treating ourselves with love, value and respect and speaking up, saying “NO” and not staying attached to people who don’t have our best interests at heart.
Narcissists are experts at identifying people who as yet, (which used to be me and so many of us) don’t know how to disagree with people, and choose ourselves, even if it means losing people.
For those of you who are Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program Members, I am such a fan of Module 2 work in NARP to establish your own solid sense of self, so that you are no longer agreeing with someone to be loved. Also, Module 6 is powerful to help you establish boundaries, and Module 8 to help you get past the fear of the repercussions of what people may do when you assert yourself.
Number 2 – You Have Unresolved And Unhealed Inner Trauma
In a world focused on trying to address symptoms rather than truly helping us heal at our core, many people who have had painful childhoods and relationships are carrying unresolved trauma within.
Arguably, in a deeply often unconscious world where healthy inner programming was never learned or promoted – this is incredibly common! It relates 100% to all of us here who have been narcissistically abused!
As top neuroscientists now know – it isn’t what we “think” that creates our future. It is how we FEEL. If we have the inner somatic emotional programming of, “the people I love hurt me, invalidate me, replace me, abuse me or even annihilate me” (as examples) then these are exactly the people we continue to attract, be attracted to and make excuses for. It is familiar.
More than this it is an energetic match with these strong subconscious programs that are fuelled by e-motion (energy in motion, namely how we FEEL about certain topics in our life) that keeps us replaying the same patterns with the same types of people over and over again.
In the case of narcissists, they are very in tune with sniffing out people with unhealed wounds to capture them as new supply. It is easy for them. As soon as you tell them what still hurts or what is missing, the narcissist will tell you how they are not this person and how they are not capable of such things.
This is done with such feigned sincerity that you believe it. You feel like you have won the jackpot – here is the perfect kind lover or an incredible business opportunity, the next best friend, the kind, caring neighbour, the miracle therapist, the fantastic tradesperson …
This is the narcissistic con.
You think all of your dreams have come true, but instead your nightmares are about to begin. Meaning – the same unhealed wounds will present and get ripped open all over again.
Look back over your life, and if you are honest, you will be able to pinpoint and realise that this is exactly true.
The solution to this is heal up these unhealed parts and then this unhealed trauma within, that was matching you up with “more of the same”, will no longer exist.
Your life is not being generated from your mind, it is unfolding from the subconscious engine, deep within you, this is why the inner work is so necessary!
As far as my recommendation for NARP Modules go, the entire NARP Program in its 10 Module sequence is the healing and antidote to heal from your present and previous traumas, all the way back through your Soul’s timeline!
Number 3 – Your Integrity Level Is High And You Are Dismayed If Questioned About It
One of the most powerful ways that you can be gaslighted by a narcissist is by this person telling you that you are a bad person – thoughtless, selfish, and don’t care about them or others.
Then you will be hooked in trying to prove to this person that you are decent and a good person.
The narcissist keeps accusing you of bad things (what they are doing themselves) and you are distracted from their shocking deeds and behaviour whilst defending yourself.
The narcissist can also keep moving the goal posts, confusing you about what is expected from you and raising the bar to make you jump over more and more hoops to prove “you are a good person” to them.
They can also use imagined allies against you, making you doubt you own integrity who you are and what your rights are. The narcissist will campaign against you trying to make you believe that they have it right, and you have it wrong, and that the popular opinion is that you are the bad person if you don’t comply with their version of things.
What is the remedy to this? Having a strong sense of your Inner Being. YOU knowing who you are and not falling for other people’s versions of you. And, absolutely ceasing to be around people who don’t accept you as you accept you and try to project their own deceptions onto you.
NARP Module 4 heals the triggers of injustice of being wrongly accused, and helps bring you peace, regardless of what anyone thinks of you. Module 5 will release you from the need for closure (you will have achieved it deeply within) and the Goal Setting Module of, “I know myself to be an extension of Source”, and clearing all traumas and resistance will give you a powerful shift back deeply into your Soul’s centre.
Number 4 – You Are Incredibly Hard On Yourself
Many of us who are perfectionists and regularly scold ourselves for what we haven’t achieved, rather than loving and supporting ourselves for what we are, have been caught up in relationships with narcissists.
Why is this?
Because who we choose in our life is a match for the way we treat ourselves.
If you are your own worst critic, then you will naturally be attracted to people who could initially be “lovely” and “charming” (to hook you in) yet will morph into who they really are, people who love you at the level you have been loving yourself – conditionally.
You are damned if you do and damned if you don’t.
You are only acceptable if you do a) b) c) and d) and that is a bottomless pit and never ends.
They are never durably happy with you.
And … of course, you are simply never good enough, no matter how many pretzel shapes you try to twist yourself into.
If we are honest with ourselves (as was one of my biggest realisations about why I got caught up with narcissists), you know that if anyone had been treating you the way you speak to yourself, you could probably seek a protection order for constant abusive harassment!
I want you to know the following with all of my heart – you will never accept a level of love less than the way you love and treat yourself.
Let that sink in.
Can you now see how self-partnering, turning within and doing the inner work to heal the relationship with yourself is the most important relationship work you will ever do?
A very powerful NARP shift that you can do is by working with Module 1 or the Source Healing and Resolution Module with, “I am targeting the trauma in my body that causes me to be so hard on myself”. Clear all of this out until no more trauma remains. You will be amazed how much kinder and supportive you start becoming with your self-talk and self-treatment.
And, you will have no stomach for anyone else’s abuse anymore!
Number 5 – You Try To Fix And Change Others
You may have believed while you were stuck in your righteousness (as I did too) that it was your responsibility to point out to other people where they were going wrong, trying to change them so that you could have a happy life with them.
It’s easy to think we are doing the right thing by doing this – yet the truth is when you try to control people, who don’t want to change, you end up out of control.
Narcissist don’t have the desire to change. More than that, they don’t have the inner resources to be kind, caring, considerate, honest, and they don’t want to cooperate with teamwork and build towards solutions with you.
Narcissists regularly get involved with co-dependent people – lovely, giving, caring people who unfortunately try to change people outside of themselves in order to be safe, loved and happy.
Narcissists know that whilst you stay attached handing them energy and attention by lecturing and prescribing to them, they can continue triggering you, get the significance from you that they are emotionally affecting you (A-grade narcissistic supply) and taking your Life Force, resources and any other goodies they want to empty you out of.
One of the greatest realisations in my healing journey, which I know also applies to many people in this community who are natural (or professional) caretakers, healers and helpers, is that changing people and helping them heal must not come with ignoring our own healing and development.
Otherwise we create unhealthy healing dependencies with clients, and horrific trauma-bonds within abusive personal relationships.
With clients it is easier to have healthy boundaries (if we work on ourselves) because we don’t need to share an abode, bed or life with this person. In our personal life where we do, the only option is to detach, and heal the parts within us that are tolerating, participating with and clinging to these people.
That way we lead by example for others, our children and our future generations, rather than being engaged in rolling around with people who can’t and won’t change and holding them responsible for our lives.
Module 6 work in NARP is the absolute Module to do thoroughly to clear up granting responsibility to others who are painful and abusive, to settle into being responsible to yourself.
Number 6 – You Are An Empath
I know there is a good chance that you, reading this article, are an empath.
This means more than being a nice person who cares about others. An empath is someone who feels other people’s emotions intensely. It means that you are a sensitive.
As a young person you may have needed this psychic skill to be able to stay ahead of what other people were doing. Maybe you had an unsafe parent, and you had to try to “read” how they were going to be at any given time.
Possibly you had a sick or a needy parent who needed your attention to try to help or placate them in order to receive love, care or security.
Narcissists gravitate towards empaths easily – and this is the reason why – because the empath rather than being in touch with their own feelings, values, truths and boundaries will be dancing around the narcissist’s wounds trying to grant them what they need so that the empath can feel loved.
The empath’s real job in life is to turn their focus from “the outside in” to “the inside out” so that they can take back their power and interact with people from that inner place, and then they are no longer susceptible to narcissists.
Let me grant you a simple example of an “outside in” empath. Let’s say this person stood up to give a speech. This person is nervously looking out into the crowd trying to read people before speaking.
The empath thinks, “That person is looking at their phone. How do I get their attention?” and “That man looks bored, maybe he doesn’t even want to listen to what I have to say.”
Now imagine the “inside out” empath. He or she takes a deep breath, stands and delivers from their Soul and heart, channelling through from Source their true authentic contribution to the world regardless what anyone else is or isn’t doing.
Who do you think is going to have the most powerful and successful impact?
I promise you that after doing the inner work, and anchoring comfortably into your true power, you will no longer hand your power away to a narcissist, you will just powerfully start being and generating our authentic life, that is a match for your relationship with your own true values.
As an authentic self you will flush out a narcissist easily. They can only be with you (meaning having to manipulate you) if you are NOT being your true sovereign self.
From the first moment you stand up and back yourself and disagree you will see the cracks of the False Self suffering a narcissistic injury. It’s childish, it’s a trigger that goes off on a hairline. The narcissist sulks or lashes out. As a mature person in your own body, you will have zero attraction for this! And the narcissist will know you are way too “whole” to be a target.
As an empowered empath, of course you will still care and be there for people, it’s just you will no longer drown with people who are intent on drowning you.
Module 9 of NARP helps you disconnect from the psychic ties with narcissists and take your Soul back. This coupled with all the other NARP Modules, allows you to come back into your body, and feel safe in it, as well as life by navigating your life from a calm, empowered inner state.
In Conclusion
I really hope that today’s article has helped you get clear that it’s not outer knowledge that protects you, it’s inner development.
Not only does the inner development help you remain safe from narcissists, it also evolves you into higher states of consciousness and life trajectories that you did not have access to before doing the inner work.
When you heal and Thrive you will be free to be your authentic self in ways that just weren’t possible before.
Today’s article included information from my book, “You Can Thrive After Narcissistic Abuse”.
Now and then I read something that seems like it was written just for me. I’m in the midst of what you describe. Living on my own for the first time in many years, between 2 women I love dearly but don’t want to fall into a traditional relationship with either one. You’ve given me something to think about and shown me an option I hadn’t considered before. Thanks for writing this.
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