18 - We are ONE for ETERNITY!: July 2023

Monday 31 July 2023

Desire

"One must not lose desires. They are mighty stimulating to creativeness, to love, and to long life." - Alexander A. Bogomoletz Today I desire to live. I have discovered value in my life. I have experienced personal self-esteem. I am able to feel, talk, trust, and laugh again. I desire to live fully! I can remember when I felt lonely, isolated, angry, shut down, and hopeless. My desires were destructive when mingled with alcohol. Then the pain became too great and I experienced a vital...

To Lend A Hand (KB)

Karen Berg
JULY 30, 2023

Like 8 Comments 2

This article was previously published in 2016.

The Zohar teaches that this week’s portion of Ekev deals mostly with the concept of spiritual tikun, a Hebrew word which translates to: Correction. The kabbalists teach that each of us has our own individual tikun, a sort of past life karma if you will. We come into our current incarnation with certain baggage, mistakes we made in previous lives, and it is our job in this lifetime to correct those mistakes. In fact, it is written that an individual may spend their entire life in meditation, thinking only positive thoughts, but upon arriving to the gates of heaven will be told that they have to return to the world of physicality because although they spent their life having done nothing negative, they did not complete the purpose for which they came to this world. We learn in this week’s portion that it is up to each of us to work our own individual tikun. No one can do it for us.

"We are given many chances in life to help each other."

This brought to mind a story that happened many years ago with one of our teachers.

There was once a student of kabbalah who was studying in secret. She did not want her father to know that she was studying, as he felt that it was inappropriate for women to study, and he would become angry when they would discuss it. One evening after studying, she asked her teacher if he could help her to get home as she had just purchased a set of Zohar and had no means to carry the set home. The teacher obliges, of course. He loads the Zohar into his vehicle, and they set about on their journey. As they arrived at her home, the car begins to overheat. The teacher, realizing that he needs water for the car, gets out of the vehicle only to find the student’s father standing right there. The teacher asks, “Sir, do you mind if I have some water? My car has broken down.” In response, the father begins screaming and ranting, telling the teacher to get lost. “But sir,” the teacher persists, “how can I get back home? I need water for the car.” Still, the father insisted that the teacher must leave at once.

The teacher, distraught and disappointed, walks to a nearby grocery store where he is given the water her needs. He makes his way back to the car, and eventually returns to his home. Upon arriving there, he receives a phone call from the student. Crying, she tells him that her father has passed away.

"Let us put our own personal needs aside to go and help."

We are given many chances in life to help each other, or to lend a hand -- and sometimes we rise to the occasion, and sometimes we do not, and that’s okay. We aren’t meant to be perfect, and we can’t expect that of ourselves. What we can do, however, is begin to recognize each opportunity to assist someone in need as our shining moment to restore the Light, to complete a circuit of energy, and to work on our tikun. For we never know which of those opportunities will be our last in this lifetime.

This week, let’s look for the opportunities wherein we are being called upon to assist, restore and complete. Wherever we see someone in need of assistance, let us put our own personal needs aside to go and help them with theirs. For isn’t this the true essence of spirituality? To help another person with their problems, even when we may be going through problems of our own.

NUGGETS OF WISDOM - 957

·       “Forgiveness doesn’t sit there like a pretty boy in a bar. Forgiveness is the old fat guy you have to haul up a hill.” - Cheryl Strayed

·       “Of this I am absolutely sure: Do not reach the era of child-rearing and real jobs with a guitar case full of crushing regret for all the things you wished you’d done in your youth. I know too many people who didn’t do those things. They all end up mingy, addled, shrink-wrapped versions of the people they intended to be.” - Cheryl Strayed

·       “The story of human intimacy is one of constantly allowing ourselves to see those we love most deeply in a new, more fractured light. Look hard. Risk that.” - Cheryl Strayed

·       “I’ve written often about how we have to reach hard in the direction of the lives we want, even if it’s difficult to do so. I’ve advised people to set healthy boundaries and communicate mindfully and take risks and work hard on what actually matters and confront contradictory truths and trust the inner voice that speaks with love and shut out the inner voice that speaks with hate. But the thing is—the thing so many of us forget—is that those values and principles don’t only apply to our emotional lives. We’ve got to live them out in our bodies too. Yours. Mine. Droopy and ugly and fat and thin and marred and wretched as they are. We have to be as fearless about our bellies as we are with our hearts.” - Cheryl Strayed

Wisdom Quote

Sunday 30 July 2023

Humility

Humility doesn't allow people to walk all over me. -James Baldwin The word "humility" has often been misunderstood. James Baldwin understood this. Christian piety often gave the impression that it was spiritual to let others take advantage of us-and we suffered in silence. But real humility involves respect. It is necessary to respect other people, treating them with dignity and genuine interest. But we must also respect ourselves. Say Yes to Your Spirit affirms this balance. I'm not...

Patriotism

Patriotism . . . applies to true love of one's country and a code of conduct that echoes such love. - Howard Fast I was born in England, and I love to read about the history of my country. I especially enjoy reading about Sir Winston Churchill and the many speeches that he made. He was a true patriot. Some years ago I became a citizen of the United States. I'm proud to be an American, and today I'm reading about this country and the famous men and women who have contributed to its charter of...

Wisdom Quote

Saturday 29 July 2023

On this day of your life

I believe God wants you to know ...

... that rushing around to fix everything, or to "get ready,"

is not going to do you more good.

Move resolutely, but don't rush. There's a difference.

Rushing removes resolution, often replacing it with

panic or irrationality or, at best,

not well thought-out choices.

So keep moving. Don't stop. But don't rush. Don't

race around. Sure and steady gets you there

every time.

Heart Meditation (OM)

Opening our hearts to another person’s suffering is a beautiful act of empathy that ultimately helps heal us all.

It is not easy to have an open heart in a world that offers us a full spectrum of emotional experiences. This life gives us much joy, love, and light, but it also shows us a fair amount of pain, sadness, and suffering. When our hearts are open, we take everything into ourselves, and we are deeply affected by what we see. We do not hold ourselves separate from the pain of others. In addition, our own personal disappointments may begin to take their toll. We may feel small, alone, and overwhelmed. Most of us may feel like we are not up to the task of living with our hearts open, and we might begin to close down, little by little, so that we can get through our days without having to feel too much.

One thing that can help us turn this situation around is an awareness of the power of empathy. To open our hearts to another person’s suffering is a revolutionary act that has energetic implications. Many experiments with meditation have proven that we can reach far beyond our own boundaries and heal others when our hearts are open. Heart meditations awaken this power and heal the person meditating as well as anyone who is the focus of the meditation.

You may want to experiment with this the next time you see or hear something painful. Instead of shuttering your emotions, resolve to hold your feelings in your heart. Tap into the divine energy of universal love that resides in your heart. This energy makes you powerful, for it is your protection that will transmute the pain of others. Breathe deeply, and let yourself feel the pain of the situation, knowing that your heart is big and strong enough to hold it. As you breathe, visualize healing light emanating from your heart and touching all that are suffering. You will heal your heart in the process.

Weekly Inspiration (EC)

I AM your ever-present help, for I AM with you always

Each soul is brought along this spiritual path by a master, a teacher, a guru, a way-shower, but when they have reached a certain stage in their state of evolution of consciousness, there is nothing more anyone else can do for them. At this point they are on their own, out on a limb, and have to find the rest of the way to the goal by themselves, drawing from the Source, from Me.

There is no quick or easy way to reach Me in this spiritual life. Every soul has to go through the fires of purification, has to be tried and tested. If every soul could become like a little child, so much pain and agony could be avoided. Lean not on thine own understanding but lean on Me. I AM your ever-present help, for I AM with you always. Seek within and you cannot fail to find Me, then draw on Me.

— Eileen Caddy, from the Still Small Voice Within

Wisdom Quote

Friday 28 July 2023

Failure

You may be disappointed if you fail, but you are doomed if you don't try. Beverly Sills Some friends of mine have recently shared that the reason they feel that they've not been successful in their lives is fear of failure. This has included relationships. This fear of being rejected stopped them from asking a particular man or woman out on a date. Is this crazy? Yes. But true. I really agree with Beverly Sills, because everybody experiences aspects of life that don't work out for them. I'm...

On this day of your life

I believe God wants you to know ...

... that your security is guaranteed through the

sharing of your love.

The peace and safety for which you yearn is not a

matter of food, clothing, and shelter. It is a matter of

love. Love and be loved, and all else will be added

unto you.

The world will perform its magic when you step into

yours. That is the promise of God, and it will be kept.

Leading by Example (OM)

Leading by example is inspiring, not only for those whom you lead but also for yourself.

We all know from experience that we can’t change other people, yet most of us have a tendency to try. This is because we naturally feel the need to do something to change situations that we find troubling. It often doesn’t occur to us that the best way to create change is not to try to convince others to change but to change ourselves. When we make adjustments from within, we become role models for others, and leading by example is much more inspiring than a lecture or an argument.

We sometimes look outside ourselves for what’s wrong with the world, but the outside world is really just a mirror reflecting us back to ourselves. When we encounter negativity — anger or fear — we empower ourselves by looking for its roots inside of ourselves.

For example, if you have a friend who is unreliable, observe yourself and notice if there are ways in which you are unreliable. You may be surprised to discover that you have your own struggles with this issue. Once you own the issue yourself, you can begin to work for change within you. This will also enable you to have more compassion for your friend. At the very least, as you strive to become more reliable, you will become more of the person you want to be. In the best-case scenario, you will be an inspiration to others.

You can apply the same method to larger issues. For example, if there is something you see in the larger world that you would like to change — let’s say, greed — try taking responsibility for changing it in yourself. Instead of being angry with those you see as greedy, seek out the roots of your own greed and come to terms with your power to transform it. This may be the best way to lead the world toward greater moderation and generosity.

Unleashing Your Inner Power: Build Your Self Worth and Thrive

Today is an important article for many in this community because after abuse you may feel your self-worth has been seriously compromised.

Self-worth is difficult to define, other than a feeling of “worthiness”. Worthiness cannot be durably created by outside things such as a new hair-do, achieving a particular goal or award, or receiving a compliment. This may help prop up your self-esteem from time to time, but self-worth goes much deeper.

Self-worth is the deservedness and capacity to generate and receive a life that grants you value. Such as having relationships that add to your soul’s truth, life and goals rather than subtract from them. Also, having the confidence to expand, grow, succeed and break out of old comfort zones into new territories whilst being solid enough to exhibit kindness, honesty, transparency and humility, as well as displaying morality, courage and strength.

Before, during and after toxic relationships, the topic of self-worth requires addressing if we don’t wish to stay limited, traumatised and stuck in patterns of living without our true potential gifts.

Today, I’d love you to hold my hand as we take this self-worth journey together.

Self-Value and Being Valued

The first ‘self-worth’ topic I want to discuss is anchoring into the necessary self-value to be valued by others.

Even when dealing with good people, they are not mind readers. They don’t know your likes, dislikes and preferences unless you speak up and express them. This may be difficult for you if you feel sensitive to other people’s energies and unsure of your own.

If your childhood caregivers were uninterested in your needs, wants and preferences, you may have struggled to identify those things for yourself, much less ask for them. Or when you tried to, you may have experienced feelings of rejection, humiliation or being dismissed. You could have decided from an early age not to share your needs and look after them yourself. Possibly when you did accept support from others, the consequences suffered were being manipulated for another person’s agendas.

The sad truth is many empaths, even before suffering narcissistic abuse, have a suppressed ‘self’ unable to express needs healthily because of the fears of CRAP (Criticism, Rejection, Abandonment or Punishment.)

If this is you (and understandably so) in a relationship with anyone at all, they can’t see ‘you’ to serve and love ‘you’.

Who are you? Who is there to love?

No-body. Because you don’t share who you are.

It seems you are not valued, but there is no ‘you’ to be seen as valued. Bonding hormones are released within those who serve others. It creates oxytocin, fondness, connection and love. You deny people this ability to connect with you if you don’t allow them to ‘see’ you, ‘know’ you, meet your needs, and serve you.

Now let’s take this up a notch with toxic people. They absolutely don’t value you. They have no interest in ‘you’. They don’t care about your feelings or who you are as a blood, flesh, soulful human being.

Their only interest in you is what they can get from you. Ego gratification, money, sex, stuff. Not only are you not valued, you are objectified – the ‘thing’ that delivers what the narcissist seeks. You are de-valued and de-humanised.

After this level of relationship abuse, you absolutely feel more worthless than ever.

But please take heart because this is an incredible opportunity to heal these old core wounds that have been on repeat in your life. Then you can rise above feeling like your self-worth is dependent on others.

To be recognised, you must first ‘see’ yourself. To be met, you have to show and share yourself. Prioritising the healing and development of your self-worth is vital to be able to do this.

For many of us who have experienced narcissistic relationships, valuing ourselves was always something we needed to look at and heal. I hope what I have shared with you above helps bring some awareness to you about this. There is more to come below.

This is a powerful mantra to help you anchor self-value into your Being:

“I can live aligned with my values. By sharing my values and preferences, I invite collaboration, love and trust with others.”

If you are a NARP Member, I suggest using the Goal Setting Module with this statement:

“I can take up space and express my needs, wants and preferences to create partnership, collaboration, success and expansion. It is now safe to be myself.”

Boundaries – Self-Worth in Action

Ultimately, self-worth and feeling worthy of all the good stuff in life cannot be achieved by yourself.

At first, after suffering from toxic abuse, it’s vital to self-partner, go within and heal. This alone time is powerful and essential. Even after this hiatus, you may like your own company, yet you will notice your soul is calling for ‘more’. More connection, expansion and experiences with life and others. Of course, this can be terrifying, but it is vital for self-worth. Self-worth won’t stand the test of time in solitude.

Connection with life and others is essential for creating greater love, expansion and success than can be achieved alone. To suppress this truth diminishes your self-worth. Communion and connection are synonymous with self-worth and CAN be navigated safely.

This is where healthy boundaries come into play.

What is key to understand is that self-worth is never defined by what other people are or are not being in response to you. Self-worth comes from your ability to interact with people, no matter ‘who’ they are being.

Let me explain …

If you try to interact with people in a way that will hopefully make them ‘pleasant’ to be around, that means telling people what they want to hear and shying away from necessary honest conversations. Trying to avoid uncomfortable feelings in this way eventually destroys your self-worth. People say, “I don’t want to hurt their feelings”. But if they are honest with themselves, they really don’t want to hurt their own.

There is a good reason the expression “the truth sets you free” exists. Authentic friends, partners, colleagues and family members speak up if they love themselves and therefore have the capacity to love others. They offer opportunities for greater understanding, collaboration, growth and improved connection – rather than saying nothing and causing disconnection just to save their potentially uncomfortable feelings.

These are the people who have real and solid relationships. They magnetise other people who wish to be honest with each other. Transparency is not a weakness that leaves people susceptible to others. It offers protection. It is a great strength. Most of all, it creates a true connection – with self, others and life. The very juice of self-worth.

The tendency to not speak up and have difficult conversations with people is programmed into us from a very early age. When enmeshed in toxic relationships, despite our initial intuitive fears, we kept the peace, hoped for the best and told ourselves stories to justify and explain away the personal violations we started to receive.

By the time you spoke up and thought you were laying boundaries, you may not have yet realised the power of a true boundary. We believed it was about calling out bad behaviour, making someone else see what they were doing wrong, holding them accountable, and making them change.

Which usually went very badly. On this incorrect boundary crusade of trying to control another’s character and choices, we only became more out of control.

You never had the power to change another – only yourself. The real boundary is anchoring into your self-worth, stating your values and chosen life truths, and then observing whether or not people meet you there and let them go if they don’t.

A true boundary is not reliant on someone else – who certainly may never accept your boundary – getting it. It only requires you to get it – which potentially you always can, if embodied in your self-worth.

A great mantra for this is:

“By knowing and stating my truth, I conjoin with those who share these values and detach from those who don’t. You either are or are not my reality.”

If you are a member of the Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program (NARP), this goal set is powerful:

“I express my values calmly and clearly. Those who agree are those I journey through life with. Those who don’t simply are not my people.”

In Conclusion

If you lack self-worth, it is such a painful and precarious position to be in because another person can easily take away their love and affection, leaving you feeling like you have nothing left to go on with or maybe even live for.

Before healing these unconscious underlying programs and beliefs, we can live in constant fear of love being taken away in any relationship, because of not yet knowing how to grant it back to ourselves. This leaves you believing you are unworthy of everything you desire, especially being seen, heard, held and loved.