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Thursday 30 November 2023
On this day of your life
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I believe God wants you to know ... ... that the
possibility of making an error should never, ever stop you from doing
anything. Don't ever be
afraid of "not getting it right." In truth, there is no
"right" way of doing anything...there is only the way you are
doing it. So go ahead. Do it. Nothing wonderful
has ever been accomplished by anyone who was
worried sick about it not being wonderful. |
Empowering Feminine Energy (OM)
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What makes a woman confident is her ability
to call upon her feminine wisdom. So often in our world we tend to think of
strength as a quality that arises from a place of firm determination and a
will to succeed no matter the cost. Even though we might want to think of a
strong woman as being defined in this way, what really makes a woman
confident is her capacity for listening to her true self and being able to
call upon her feminine wisdom to any situation that may arise. A woman does
not need to step into an assertive role or act like a man in order to be
effective at what she does — she simply needs to get in touch with her
insight and sense of compassion to truly demonstrate the depth of her
strength. Listening to the feminine side of ourselves
may not seem easy at first for this type of energy is something that is often
overlooked in many aspects of our everyday lives. If we can connect with this
part of who we are, however, we will find that there is an unlimited
wellspring of strength available to us. Our capacity to tap into our
intuition and listen to our inner guides, to take into account the needs of
those around us, and to view a situation with compassion and love are ways
that we can show the world the true power that is part of our feminine
nature. When we learn to integrate this source of strength into our daily
tasks and decision-making, we will find that we can be more flexible and open
to the things that happen around us and more receptive to new ideas. Not only
will we see the world in a different light, but we will truly start to
realize the potential for this form of energy to both empower ourselves and
those around us. As we cultivate our feminine energy we can
redefine the meaning of strength. By embracing our feminine power as
something that is strong in its own right, we are able to use it with true
assurance and determination and draw upon what truly belongs to us. |
Presence: Our True Nature.
My husband, Craig, was a meditator.
He made it look easy to pop out of our bed early in the morning and sit lotus-style on his cushion. He’d wrap a soft shawl around his shoulders, close his eyes, and sit for at least an hour. No hoopla, no ritual or ceremony; he didn’t light a candle or burn incense.
Me? Despite his gentle nudging, at this time, I had absolutely no interest in meditating. I’d roll over and snuggle in and fall back asleep, waiting for him to finish and put the coffee on.
When I met and married Craig, I was struggling emotionally with unresolved childhood trauma. Years later, I realized that my resistance to meditation was my fear of being alone with my thoughts and emotions. I was in pain, and the only thing I wanted was to escape that pain.
Craig wanted to fix it; he wanted to make my suffering disappear. However, he knew he was powerless to do so. What he could and did do was to love me unconditionally, making it safe for me to just be me–no agenda, no expectations, no pressure. He trusted that I’d find my way. He became my beacon of hope.
“No one saves us but ourselves. No one can and no one may. We ourselves must walk the path.” ~ Gautama Buddha
The Direct Experience of Presence
Still, Craig continued to gently nudge. Meditation allowed him the direct experience of Presence, which offered true inner peace. And naturally he wanted me to experience this as well.
“In mindfulness one is not only restful and happy, but alert and awake. Meditation is not evasion; it is a serene encounter with reality.” ~ Thich Nhat Hanh
But my journey had a destination and it wasn’t to experience Presence. My goal was to rid myself of this ongoing emotional burden. Meditation seemed counterintuitive. I was sure that the peace I was seeking would come once I unloaded the oppressive baggage.
One of the many things that brought us together was our love for the spiritual work of teachers such as Ram Dass, Papaji, and Sri Ramana Maharshi. We attended workshops and lectures and read their books, which lead to many supportive and inspiring conversations.
All these teachers spoke of the beauty and power of Presence. They said Presence was all there was, that it was our true nature. They urged students to create a daily practice of silence and meditation.
Detaching from Making the Pain Disappear
So eventually, I conceded and finally tried meditating. I love ceremony and ritual, so I lit candles and incense. I put on soft music and purchased a Back Jack and beautiful, soft cushions. I found the perfect shawl. And I sat–sometimes for as long as 15 minutes but usually no more than 10. There was no relief.
In fact, my pain became more acute, nearly unbearable. But I didn’t give up. I didn’t always understand what the teachers were saying, but my heart knew there was truth there and that this truth was the key to my freedom.
Of course, what I learned over time was that my pain didn’t go away because I was attached to making it disappear. Realizing this was like finding that missing piece of a giant jigsaw puzzle–once I shifted my awareness, I began to see that the light at the end of this long, dark tunnel was Divine energy, not a train.
“Nonresistance, nonjudgement, and nonattachment are the three aspects of true freedom and enlightened living.” ~ Eckhart Tolle
Freedom was within grasp and this was exciting. I immersed myself in this work and promised to share what I was learning with anyone who was interested in a life of emotional freedom. And so here I am today, sharing this with you.
It has been decades of work and the rewards are innumerable. My beloved husband transitioned out of his physical body some years ago, but his legacy lives on. Just as life goes on. There are still challenges; it’s called life. But, thanks to my mindfulness practice of body awareness meditation, I have the tools to help me move through the difficult times.
Peace is found within the storm. This is living life on life’s terms. And it is a blessing.
~
20 Frida Kahlo Quotes to Touch the Core of Your Being.
*More Frida wisdom:
10 Lessons to Learn from Frida Kahlo.
This Poem by Frida Kahlo is Heartbreaking, Raw & Incredibly Accurate.
Frida Kahlo: an Icon of Feminism & Freedom.
~
On July 6th, 1907, Matilde gave birth to a beautiful being who was yet to become the grandest feminist icon in history.
Born Magdalena Carmen Frieda Kahlo y Calderón, she became one of Mexico’s greatest painters.
Kahlo contracted polio at the age of 6, had an almost deadly accident at the age of 18 and went on to marry Diego Rivera, the muralist and ultimate womanizer.
People who are close to me know the immense place that Frida holds in my heart and in my life. For me, she represents the pain every woman on earth is going through—be it physical, or emotional. Frida has proved to us how strong we can be and how much we can endure.
I empathize with the pain she went through. She suffered from the pain of infidelity. Diego, her comrade, her best friend and the first critic of her art, was never her husband or ‘hers’–-as Frida says. He belonged to many women and mostly he belonged to himself only. This—in return—sent Frida through endless, dire suffering that only the pages of her diary witnessed.
When it comes to art, I am fond of many artists. But never before have I witnessed emotions and thoughts expressed so bluntly and poignantly on a canvas. Not only does Kahlo’s art fascinate me, but also her words. Reading what she said, we can sense the intensity of her agony, yet, at the same time, the greatness of her hope.
Having said that, we can say that Frida is an icon of patience, endurance, and strength:
“Feet, what do I need you for when I have wings to fly?”
“There have been two great accidents in my life. One was the trolley, and the other was Diego. Diego was by far the worst.”
“I paint self-portraits because I am so often alone, because I am the person I know best.”
“I used to think I was the strangest person in the world but then I thought there are so many people in the world, there must be someone just like me who feels bizarre and flawed in the same ways I do. I would imagine her, and imagine that she must be out there thinking of me, too. Well, I hope that if you are out there and read this and know that, yes, it’s true I’m here, and I’m just as strange as you.”
“You didn’t understand what I am. I am love. I am pleasure. I am essence. I am an idiot. I am alcoholic. I am tenacious. I am. I simply am. You are a sh*t my love.”
“They thought I was a Surrealist, but I wasn’t. I never painted dreams. I paint my own reality.”
“Nothing is absolute. Everything changes, everything moves, everything revolves, everything flies and goes away.”
“I drank because I wanted to drown my sorrows, but now the damned things have learned to swim.”
“I am not sick. I am broken. But I am happy to be alive as long as I can paint.”
“I think that little by little I’ll be able to solve my problems and survive.”
“At the end of the day, we can endure much more than we think we can.”
“I love you more than my own skin.”
“How can I call him my Diego? He never was and never will be mine, he only belongs to himself.”
“Nothing is worth more than laughter. It is strength to laugh and to abandon oneself, to be light.”
“Take a lover who looks at you like maybe you are magic.” ~ Marty McConnel (about Frida Kahlo)
“The only thing I know is that I paint because I need to, and I paint whatever passes through my head without any other consideration.”
“I cannot speak of Diego as my husband because that term, when applied to him, is an absurdity. He never has been, nor will he ever be, anybody’s husband.”
“I leave you my portrait so that you will have my presence all the days and nights that I am away from you.”
“I want to be inside your darkest everything.”
“I hope the exit is joyful and I hope never to return.”
“… and I hope never to return.” Written on the last pages of her diary, Frida bluntly affirms she has no intentions of reincarnating in another lifetime. Her pain was too great to want to experience physical life again. She physically left Diego, her lovers and her friends. But up until today, Frida is still here. She lives in every painting of hers, in every portrait hung on the wall. She lives in the spirit of every woman who is going through miscarriage, physical pain and emotional difficulties.
Frida gives us the hope that we will overcome any calamity we might face. She tells us to laugh, to love hard, to survive no matter what. Frida shows us the importance of drinking tequila, lighting a cigarette and living as if we are dying tomorrow.
Frida kahlo, a woman, an icon, forever in our hearts.
Viva La Frida!
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EDITOR: CAITLIN ORIEL
IMAGE: MARIA DE ORO/FLICKR
12 Ways to Deal With A Toxic Family/Family Member.
Read next: When Blood No Longer Binds—Walking Away from a Toxic Family Member.
Breaking up with a friend, boyfriend or girlfriend is one thing and there’s a lot of advice out there for doing it, but what about a family break-up?
Most of us are not in a position to “just leave” nor do we feel we want to, or that it’s the right thing to do. So what do we do when a toxic family member (or members) is literally ruining our lives? How do we deal with the feeling of obligation, guilt, confusion and heartache?
It is important to note that not everyone’s family is there for them to lean on, to call on or to go home to. Not every family is built on the premise of interconnectedness, support and stability. Sometimes family simply means that you share a bloodline. That’s all. Some families build you up and some suck your energy dry.
There are relationships and friendships that just aren’t fixable—this includes family. There are situations that you can endure for only so long before you’ve outgrown them. There may come a crucial time when you have to separate yourself from your family in order to do what is best for you and possibly for them.
In many respects, the way we were treated by our family ends up being the same treatment we offer the world.
Often times the signal and energy we put out into the world is similar to or exactly what we have experienced by others. And for most of us, this influential force has been our family. Think about it. Think about just how much the interaction, or lack there of, from our family, sets the tone for the quality of energy we give off during our lifetime.
What is unacceptable treatment?
Rejection, abandonment, not taking the time to get to know you or to be in your life, making you feel unwelcome, someone being competitive or hypercritical of you, pressuring or forcing you to be someone you are not, blaming, ostracizing, manipulating, belittling, neglecting and abusing you…the list goes on and on and on. These types of experiences can make a deep imprint on our hearts and inhibit our ability to react without them being present in the back of our mind’s. Our reactions to life become skeptical, doubtful, fearful and we more often see the dark instead of the light in both people and situations.
These negative experiences can jade us for a lifetime, unless we learn to do whatever it takes to get ourselves into a positive nurturing environment and replace negatively influenced reactions with positive ones.
What are the signs indicating that you could use a break or change?
Your own health and mental well-being is damaged.
You feel emotionally, physically and/or spiritually injured.
The relationships with your immediate family/spouse/partner is suffering.
There is violence, physical and/or emotional abuse.
There is substance abuse.
There are constant struggles for power.
There is unnecessary distrust and disrespect.
What to do, how to get out…
1. Get group help. If it’s possible and your family/family member is up for it, get counselling.
2. If it’s possible move out. Move in with a friend, your partner, an extended family member. Get to a place where people want to be with you, try to move into a nurturing environment.
3. Accept your parents or family member’s limitations. Know that you don’t have to repeat their behaviour. You are not them.
4. Allow yourself to get angry. Use it productively. Exercise. Do sports. Use art and creative expression. Write in a journal. Don’t withhold your emotions.
5. Seek guidance for yourself. Talk to someone, a counsellor, a life coach, your yoga teacher—anyone who will listen, someone you feel comfortable with. Ask for help with change and with taking risks.
6. Limit your time. Do whatever it takes to limit the amount of time you have to spend with the toxic family/family member. Limit visits, holidays, do what you can to prevent as much conflict as possible.
7. Set healthy boundaries. Try to not allow yourself to get sucked back in. You can love and wish them the best from a distance.
8. Learn ways to protect yourself. Practice meditation. Learn to be patient with yourself and others.
9. Become aware of yourself. Observe your reactions. Become more self-aware in order to break negative patterns as much as you can.
10. Practice doing good things for yourself. Do things that build self-esteem. Do things you enjoy. Invite others that love you along.
11. Create balance in your life. Take care of yourself physically and eat a balanced healthy diet. Be aware and be cautious of things you may do compulsively (eating, shopping, drinking, etc)
12. Take charge of your life and your happiness. Don’t wait for others to give it to you.
Is it wrong to hold grudges (is life too short)?
Letting go can prove to be more helpful (even life saving) than grasping at toxic strings, looking for what ifs or chasing disillusioned beliefs. At the end of the day, we are all certainly in this together, but each of us have an honest obligation to do what is best for ourselves. You can be a lantern of hope, you can lead by example but you can’t force anyone to change.
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