Narcissist are nasty people. They are also sneaky …
Today I want to share with you the six ways that a narcissist can use other people to abuse you.
Why would a narcissist use others to do this?
A narcissist, often by themselves, cannot inflict the levels of control or punishment that they may wish to leverage on another.
Let me explain …
Narcissists are a False Self. They are empty on the inside. They actually have no “Life Force” or “energetic power” themselves. Think vampires who need to feed on others to exist – and you are getting very close to the truth. Narcissists HAVE to use other people as the bullets in the gun they wish to fire to inflict damage on you.
This is actually no different to when a narcissist directly hurts you – they can only use your pain, trauma and insecurities against you to hurt you. It is only when you have healed up what they try to trigger inside of you that the game and their “false power” is finished.
Narcissists can be cowardly in their bullying. They like to hide behind other people and get them to do their dirty work for them. Narcissists HATE being exposed and caught out.
Until you know this, and how to recover from narcissists employing their assets against you, it is absolutely beyond disturbing when other people are deployed against you.
Often these people are charmed or manipulated into the narcissist’s orbit and have no idea that they are being used to do the narcissist’s bidding.
Usually these people down the track – such as in future love partners – discover that they too are demoted to being attacked by the narcissist and their various minions.
Such are the cycles of narcissistic abuse!
Let’s explore the 6 main ways a narcissist can use other people to hurt you.
Number One – Adultery
This is one of the most common things that a narcissist can do to hurt another, obviously especially in romantic relationships.
Narcissists are known to be adulterous. They don’t have a conscience, are only loyal to their internal master – the False Self – and have no problems generating sexual encounters with others in order to get an ego feed or attention when feeling low on narcissistic supply (ego superiority).
Insecure people, especially those who can’t stand not being the centre of attention and who are envious, jealous and accuse others of playing up, are the most likely to be adulterous.
Narcissists often fit this category.
They can also commit adultery with pornography, Internet dating exploits and also engage in emotional adultery such as spending time with other people in suggestive and emotionally connected ways to feed their egos or purposely hurt their partner.
I remember some years ago a narcissist who was bragging about his exploits, told me that when his partner didn’t show him enough attention, he would create an argument, make it look like her fault, leave and then go visit a prostitute.
Even though she didn’t “know” what he was up to, to him this provided him with justifiable vindication.
Number Two – Replacing You
If you do not dance enough to the narcissistic drum – give up all of your rights and values whilst feeding their irrational demands – or if he or she has emptied you out all the way to your demise, or if a newer, more fertile source of narcissistic supply comes along, then the narcissist may jump ship.
This may just be for the selfish, self-serving need of the narcissist to continue to feed off energy or resources, and/or to punish you for not complying with the False Self.
Narcissists often like to rub their previous spouses or partner’s nose in their new relationships.
You may be so shocked, traumatised and barely functioning, yet the narcissist is posting all over social media their new apparent loved-up status and introducing their new partner to family, friends and even your children.
To add insult to injury the narcissist may be telling you how terrible you are and how amazing their new partner is.
Of course, you are being smeared, devalued and discarded to others. Now that the narcissist has decided you are “out” they back it up with all the actions of blaming you and trying to retain face with anyone who will listen.
They may even get engaged or married to the new person within an incredibly short period of time.
I have said it many times, a narcissist will get into a new relationship in the time it takes to boil an egg. Often as soon as the cracks start appearing in the relationship the narcissist is already sourcing new supply.
The truth often is that the narcissist already had more than you as a source of romantic interest because this is how narcissists roll. They are needy and empty and can’t stand being alone.
It’s like a drug addict. If they are not getting enough of a feed from you, then they will have back up suppliers at the ready.
If a narcissist is replacing you to punish you and you hang on trying to get back together, it’s very likely that they will toggle you with the new supply.
This is of course horribly devastating and Soul destroying for people.
Number Three – Recruiting Minions
Narcissists are experts at smear campaigns.
I know so many of you have been devastated and felt extremely angry at the minions, aka “flying monkeys” that a narcissist can recruit to go after you, discredit you, talk about you or even hurtfully turn their back on you.
We need to be really honest here – many of us, once upon a time, were recruited as minions ourselves.
This is the thing, a narcissist with full emotion, and many details to their story can look people straight in the eyes and tell them terrible things about other people. As decent people, we fully believed (before experiencing a pathological narcissist) that a grown adult who did this must be telling us the truth, because surely, they wouldn’t go out of their way to come up with such incredible stories!
We also had no idea that narcissists were so disordered and skewered in their thought processes, that after telling these outrageous lies that they actually start to believe them themselves – hence why they are so believable!
Likewise, the minions against you, really do believe that you are the bad person, and that you have done terrible things against the narcissist (or them).
Number Four – Threatening Competition
A narcissist can make you anxious and attempt to control you, by threatening you with other people. He or she may talk about others in the past, making you believe that you need to compete with these past lovers.
Perhaps a narcissist will talk about another person in their life incessantly, so that you feel like this person is more in their favour than you. This could make you hand over to the narcissist more attention and resources to try to get their allegiance back.
Or perhaps the narcissist is enjoying your anxiety, where he or she can accuse you of being jealous or insecure – making you feel even more off balance, which grants the narcissist A-grade narcissistic supply – the significance of knowing that he or she has the power to affect you so adversely.
It can also take the focus off what the narcissist is doing behind your back, with this person (or people) by focusing on your “jealousy”.
Number Five – Abuse By Proxy
One of the nastiest ways that a narcissist can use others to abuse you is through abuse by proxy. This is the engaging of organisations and authorities to attack you on the narcissist’s behalf.
Narcissists love to be high conflict people using the court system to keep you in a state of angst, financial distress and battle.
Or perhaps the narcissist will use any information they have ever had against you, by reporting you to your employer or authorities, such as child protection services. Or if they don’t have any information, they may use downright lies.
As well as exploiting any extreme (and perfectly understandable reactions) you have had to their horrific abuse.
Many a person has been shocked at how disgusting the narcissist becomes and how low they can stoop in these situations, when the gloves come off in property and custody settlements, or if you have left them on your terms.
Number Six – Alienation
The last of these 6 main ways a narcissist can use other people to hurt you, is heartbreaking – especially when it involves your children.
Of course, the most effective way to punish virtually anyone would be to take their children away from them.
Sadly and horribly, narcissists will often try to do this, and sometimes succeed without any consciousness. Often, they use the Family Court system to achieve these terrible ends.
I can’t tell you how much my heart goes out to everyone who as suffered this. I have dear personal friends who have suffered this horror of narcissistic abuse.
In Conclusion
I want you to know with all of my heart, that dealing with a narcissist abusing you through other people, is exactly the same process as dealing with a narcissist who is inflicting this on you directly.
Remember, that a narcissist has no power of their own, and even if they are using others as the “vehicle” to abuse you – when you detach, turn inwards to yourself and heal the parts of yourself that are triggered into fear, insecurity, rage or powerlessness and get clear, solid and empowered on the inside – the narcissist and their minions’ power starts to dissolve out of your experience.
I promise you that I have personally experienced this at profound levels. I have also, in the last ten plus years in this community, seen people who were being brutally abused by the narcissist and their minions use my Thriver Way to heal and turn inwards by using Quanta Freedom Healing to release and reprogram their internal trauma – then people back off, and they are able to powerfully and calmly defend themselves with authorities, have people organically believe them, and also stop or recover all of the attempts of the narcissist attempting to alienate their loved ones against them.
Please, know when you ARE triggered into significant trauma, THAT is when you are ineffective, derailed, handing power over and unconsciously generating and manifesting “more” of the trigger and playing straight into the narcissist’s hands.
This is why it is so VITAL to reverse all of this.
That’s where your power really is.
I’d love to help you do this by introducing you to my free 3 Keys Webinar which explains deeply how the narcissist has been able to hurt you, and what you need to do to release and heal and stop this from continuing.
I really hope that this article and my healing suggestions have helped you feel hope that there is a true solution for this horrible mess.
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