Learning Boundaries
I walked into
the rooms feeling tired of being tired. Thinking I have spent all I could to
have a good life and it’s just not so.
I was aware
the man I was dating for eight years, on and off, was a drug to me and was
killing me more than giving me any high. I wanted out but had no idea how or if
I had the energy to do it. I tried before, only to return to the poison he gave
me. I lived off being the victim. I can look back now knowing I enjoyed sharing
my sorry life with others because it gave me validation. I lived off the “I’m
so sorry you’re going through this” statements or any pity I could get. I had
no idea how addicted I was to that. I was desperate to be loved, I was willing
to get it anywhere I could, in any way I could.
CoDA gave me
the strength to look at myself. I blamed the world and others but never saw my
part in it. Never saw how I loved what I claimed I hated so badly. No wonder it
took me years to finally leave a toxic relationship. I loved misery and really
had no clue how to live without it. Healthy relationships were foreign to me
and CoDA helped me understand what healthy was. That it started within me. That
I needed to love me wholeheartedly and with so much love and compassion. It
needed to start with me.
I no longer
need validation in any form. I might get it but I’m not searching for it nor
desiring it. I have healthy boundaries and define healthy within myself and my
relationships with others. I had to learn what healthy is and it had to start
with looking within myself.
Marsha (2018)
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