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A relationship, in the truest sense of
the word, means relating to another. Usually when we say that we relate
to someone, it is because we’ve found common ground. But part of relating
is finding ways to make ideas that seem different come together. So often
when we choose relationships, we try to fit another person into our
predetermined ideal. When they don’t fit perfectly, we may try to make
them over, creating our own vision from the raw material they’ve brought.
But unless someone asks for guidance and direction, entering into a
relationship with someone we want to change is dishonest. Our
relationship becomes based on someone we’ve imagined, and anytime our
partner steps outside of that imaginary projection, we will be
disappointed. An honest relationship is one in which we accept each other
as whole individuals and find a way to share our life experiences
together. Then, when we want, we can choose as a couple to give the
relationship a makeover by renewing the way we interact.
By wanting to give another person a
makeover, we are basically saying we don’t accept them for who they are.
If we take a moment to imagine the roles reversed, we can get a sense of
how it would feel if our beloved only committed to us because they thought
we were, or would become, someone else entirely. In such an environment,
we are not relating to each other from a real place, and we are keeping
ourselves from being able to learn and grow from the different viewpoints
that our partner offers.
If we feel that a change is needed in
our relationship, the only makeover that we truly have the power to make
is on ourselves. By accepting our partner for exactly who they are — the
ideal and the not-so-ideal — we will create an energetic shift in our relationship,
and we may find ourselves really appreciating our partner for the first
time. Working from within, we determine how we relate to the people and
the world around us, and when we can accept it and embrace it all,
without conditions, we make every act of relating a positive one.
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