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As we begin to truly understand that
the world outside of us is a reflection of the world inside of us, we may
feel confused about who is to blame for the problems in our lives. If we
had a difficult childhood, we may wonder how we can take responsibility
for that, and the same question may arise in our current relationships.
We all know that blaming others is the opposite of taking responsibility,
but we may not understand how to take responsibility for things that we
don’t truly feel responsible for. We may blame our parents for our low
self-esteem, and we may blame our current partner for exacerbating it
with their unconscious behavior. Objectively, this seems to make sense.
After all, it is not our fault if our parents were irresponsible or
unkind, and we are not to blame for our partner’s bad behavior.
Perhaps the problem lies with the
activity of blaming. Whether we blame others or blame ourselves, there is
something aggressive and unkind about it. It sets up a situation in which
it becomes difficult to move forward under the burdensome feelings of shame
and guilt. It also puts the resolution of our pain in the hands of
someone other than us. Ultimately, we cannot insist that someone else
take responsibility for their actions; only they can make that choice
when they are ready. In the meantime, if we want to move forward with our
lives instead of waiting around for something that may or may not happen,
we begin to see the wisdom of taking the situation into our own hands.
We do this by forgiving our parents,
even if they have not asked for our forgiveness so that we can be free.
We end the abusive relationship with our partner, who may never admit to
any wrongdoing, because we are willing to take responsibility for how we
are treated. In short, we love ourselves as we want to be loved and
create the life we know we deserve. We leave the resolution of the wrongs
committed against us in the hands of the universe, releasing ourselves to
live a life free of blame.
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