A New Way to Live
My life before
CoDA was one full of anxiety, anger, control issues, and approval-seeking
behavior — doing things I didn’t want to do to be liked or loved, avoidance,
and unable to handle changes in my life or when things didn’t go the way that I
had expected. I worked hard to try and make everyone happy. I couldn’t make the
hard or healthy choices. I didn’t trust anyone or let myself be vulnerable to
anyone. I never stood up for myself or spoke my thoughts to other family
members because I didn’t want to upset anyone or “rock the boat.” I became
burnt out and exhausted, and I just couldn’t continue in the same manner!
I had a
breakdown in 2013 and sought help for myself. And I started seeing a therapist
for a few years, but help came in the form of a new friend early last year.
After a few conversations with her we connected, and she spoke of CoDA and the
idea of recovery. So, I started going to meetings at her house. It’s been 11
months, I think. I’ve had some ups and downs. I’ve made mistakes but I know
that I am not alone! I have learned to practice the steps at home with my
husband and boys, and it has really helped to change the type of mother I am. I
feel much better now, and I’m sharing with my family what I learn so that they
don’t have to wait until they are grown up to deal with things and so that we
all learn the importance of not trying to control others and being more
accepting of others.
Yes, I go to
meetings and I have a sponsor. I worked really fast through the steps up until
Step 6. Then I just stopped rushing, and now I am taking my time learning to
live using the recovery processes and steps as well as taking time to share
with others. I thank God for recovery because I don’t think I would have made
it this far. I now have better, stronger, safer, healthier relationships with
people, and I have learned to identify those who are not available to me and to
stay away or get away from those who don’t support CoDA or recovery. I have
learned to have strength to end unhealthy relationships even if it means a
family member. And to not feel guilty about protecting myself.
Cherie M
4.18.2017
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