Every summer, under the light of the full moon in the month of Leo, we reach Tu B’Av—a moment of love, unity, and spiritual connection. Cosmically, this marks the beginning of the sun and moon’s reunion, making a day associated with the union of soulmates. While it is often lovingly referred to as the “Kabbalistic Valentine’s Day,” this ancient holiday is far more than romantic fluff. It’s a powerful energetic window that opens us to soulmate love—not only in the form of a partner, but also in the form of purpose, fulfillment, and deep inner alignment.
But let’s start with the word “soulmate.” It gets tossed around a lot. Some people believe a soulmate is a person who completes them. Others think it means effortless love—no fights, no challenges, no friction. If that’s your definition, I have news for you: you’re not looking for a soulmate, you’re looking for a fantasy.
Soulmate relationships aren’t frictionless. In fact, they’re often the opposite. The purpose of a soulmate is not to give you a perfect life—it’s to help you grow into your highest self. We live in a culture that teaches us to crave the highlight reel: the butterflies, the romantic text messages, the perfect vacations. But real love? Real love is forged in the moments when you’re asked to stretch, soften, speak truthfully, and stay curious even when you’re hurting or afraid.
One of the most common misconceptions about relationships is that when they’re “meant to be,” they’ll be problem-free. That if you’re with your soulmate, it’ll all feel easy. But that’s just not how growth works. That’s not how the soul evolves. If your relationship never challenges you, it will eventually bore you. And if it never invites you to change, it will slowly cause you to shrink. We all want to be chosen, seen, supported—but we also need to be lovingly challenged. Someone who not only believes in our dreams but reminds us to keep chasing them. Someone who doesn’t just take our hand, but sometimes gently pushes us forward. Unfortunately, this is not the norm in our current world of relating.
What I see more often than not are relationships that unconsciously become transactional. “I earn the money, you handle the kids.” “I cook, you clean.” “You deal with your drama on your own, I’ll deal with mine in silence.” These arrangements might keep a household running or looking functional—but they won’t keep the flame of soulmate love lit. Not by a long shot.
True love and support aren’t logistical. These things are emotional and deeply spiritual. It’s someone saying, “I see what you’re capable of. And I’m not going to let you forget it.” It’s listening deeply. Asking curious questions. Holding space for each other’s process and purpose—even when they shift.
And this doesn’t only apply to couples. Calling in soulmate love begins with becoming your own soulmate first. It begins with asking yourself those very real questions. “Am I supporting my own growth?” “Do I challenge myself with love and curiosity?” “Am I building a life that would excite and inspire me—even if no one else was around?”
Because we don’t magnetize deep, sacred love by sitting around and waiting to be chosen. We attract it by becoming it.
There’s a scene in The Runaway Bride that I always come back to when I think about this topic. Julia Roberts plays a woman who keeps leaving her fiancés at the altar. Eventually, she realizes she’s been morphing herself into whatever each man wanted—down to how she ordered her eggs. Sunny side up for one, scrambled for another. So she makes every type of egg. She tastes them all. And finally, she learns what she likes.
It’s funny, but it’s also a profound metaphor for love. How many of us truly know what we want? What our genuine values are, separate from our families of origin, friends, or partners? Our preferences? Our dreams? Or have we just absorbed someone else’s and hoped they’d be “right” or enough?
Soulmate love requires true self-awareness and a knowledge of where you’ve been, where you are, and where you want to go. It requires intimacy with self, first. You won’t be calling in a soulmate, you’ll be calling in an image of a soulmate. And when the mirage of novelty inevitably fades, you’ll wonder why you feel invisible in your own life. This is why seeing ourselves first is so important and on a day like Tu B’Av, we are invited into a spiritual portal that can assist us in reconnecting to the soul of love—not just the image of it.
Whether you’re single, partnered, healing, or hopeful, it’s a moment to ask:
Where have I lost myself in love?
Where have I settled for being supported in function, but not in spirit?
Am I loving from fullness or fear?
Am I listening deeply—to others, and to myself?
This holiday isn’t about waiting for “The One.” It’s about becoming aligned enough to recognize them when they come. It’s about calling in the love that sees you, challenges you, supports you, and walks beside you—not because it’s easy, but because it’s real. So light a candle. Set an intention. Journal. Reflect. Take a walk under the moon. Make a list of the ways you want to be loved—and then ask yourself how you’re embodying those qualities, right now.
Because calling in soulmate love begins with becoming soulmate love.
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