Recovery and Healing
I have always
liked analyzing myself and my environment. Today I believe this is partly a
symptom of my parentified-codependent functioning. I noticed that analyzing and
rationalizing doesn't help healing. It also delays or makes change impossible,
so I began striving for deeper self-knowledge and self-acceptance in the fall
of 2023, when I joined the CoDA online community.
My mother's
alcohol problems significantly contributed to my self-esteem, as well as my
internal image of the world, shaping my belief system. In harder times, I force
toxic positivity on myself, but today I can see its harmful effects and
consequences. My father is surely codependent besides an addicted person, but
perhaps he has also become depressed in recent years. I find it difficult to
accept that I cannot change my loved ones living in my environment, because it
hurts to see how they make unfavorable decisions, engaging in self-sabotage,
sometimes self-destruction. In CoDA I am learning to accept with patience: the
only one I can change is myself.
My relationship
has been healthier since I've been working on myself. I have a sponsor and with
the help of meditations I can reflect daily on my inner child, my experiences,
my momentary state of mind. The step work also supports me in remaining emotionally
sober and realistic. I gratefully thank you for allowing me to share this.
Lilla
08.03.2025
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