I'm going to use you: A journey through codependency (Chapters 1-8)

*This story was conceived on a road built of yellow bricks, alongside some remarkable characters
*For all those who are teaching me to face my fears and embrace my Super Powers, I am forever in your debt, thank you, you are my Angels

Chapter 1

I hope you don't mind, I'm going to use you
What you gave me, what you couldn't give to me
And everything in between

The laughter, care and attention
The anger, disappointment, and tears
I'll use it all, every bit of it
To push me harder, deeper into myself
Until I know more completely WHO
Is at the core of my being

And when I am finally standing tall
In the presence of every fear, passion, desire and truth
Manifesting on my path
When I am free from that which has bound me
Then, I will trust myself enough to let go

But for now, I am going to use you
I hope you don't mind

Chapter 2

Something is shifting

Through my own presence I am finding courage
To lay down, open my heart and feel into myself

There is much to explore
It has been here a long time
Waiting for me
Patiently
Faithfully

Chapter 3

This is new

I have begun ASKING for that
Which my heart most desires
Now I am RECEIVING
It is powerful, scary and amazing

I would like more of this
Please

Chapter 4

I feel grateful

To those capable of intimacy, vulnerability and connection
With my authentic self
The ones brave enough to reach out and touch me
I love when they dare to see me
To hear me
Listening with open hearts

Seeking truth, together we commit to removing the lies
That have grown roots in our dreams
Lies which used to keep us safe
But no longer serve us, or anyone

I am learning to love this game

Chapter 5

Reflecting

I was afraid to let go
I thought I needed you
I let myself believe you needed me

But something is happening
I am coming to see that one day 
You will ask your dreams to manifest
And finally know that which you have 
Searched for but failed yet to find

One day you will have ALL you wish for and MORE
When you decide you are ready
When the time is right
In this lifetime or the next

Something is saying to me:
"Believe in THIS with ALL your heart and LET GO, NOW!"

I am listening

Chapter 6

How badly I wanted to have, to BE the answers I thought you needed
But something shook me
It felt like Truth
I understand

I don't have the right to interfere
So I pray, step back, take the role of witness to the unfolding
And I let go
Trusting that all you desire is coming to you
Wrapped in a perfection only the Universe 
Can fully understand and provide

I feel Peace

Chapter 7

Another message arrived today:

For me to see you become All That You Are
To see you have what is yours by Divine Right
I must first become THAT
I must ACCEPT the gifts I am being offered

I confess, I was afraid
I was distracting myself with fantasy
Illusions of what I could give you
But this is not about you, I see that now

It is about me

So, my focus changes
I decide
Commit
To discovering who and what 
My heart most deeply desires to be

I say "Yes" to BECOMING All That I Am

Chapter 8

Thank you

You gave me something to hold onto
Something worth trusting that I could believe in

But most importantly
You gave me back to my Self

For this and more, I Love you

Lena - 2/9/16