The Paradox to Stress (DM)

 

Perhaps you recall that Serbian proverb, which goes: Two men looked out of prison bars; one saw mud and the other saw stars. Both mud and stars exist in this world. If we ignore or deny the mud, we may step into it. But there’s no need to focus on the mud, for we may miss the stars of possibility. Charles Dickens’ classic novel, A Tale of Two Cities, opens with a series of paradoxes:  “It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us, we were all going direct to Heaven, we were all going direct the other way . . .” These opposing phrases are as true today as on the date of publication in 1859.  You or I could offer supporting evidence for both sides of each statement — that, for example, these are the best of times because (despite the daily news), there are fewer wars and less poverty worldwide and new advances in medicine and technology. Yet we could also find supporting examples that these are the worst of times . . . an age of wisdom and foolishness, belief and skepticism, light and darkness, hope and despair. It has always been so.  In other words, stress will always be with us — in the words of Lily Tomlin, “The chief cause of stress is reality.” One dictionary definition of (psychological) stress is: “a state of mental or emotional strain or tension resulting from adverse or demanding circumstances.”  As I explain in my video talk available to anyone who joins my Facebook “Welcome Peaceful Warriors” group, different people experience stress in different situations. For example, two people in a roller-coaster car about to dive steeply on the first big drop are screaming — one with terror and the other with excitement, based on their personal make-up. In another example, one person feels stressed out on the sports field but not at a social gathering; for another person, it’s just the opposite.   Psychologist and author Hans Selye wrote, “It’s not stress that harms us, but our reaction to stress.” And as psychologist and Mindfulness author Ellen Langer wrote, “Stress is a function not of events, but of our view of those events.” We can feel stress not just in “adverse or demanding circumstances,” but also in positive circumstances, such as visiting our family over the holidays. Although stress will always be with us, we can reduce or even eliminate its negative effects by remembering to do two things in any stressful situation: (1) Take a few slow, deep breaths and (2) relax the entire body.  Both of these actions are under our direct control.   So remember these two actions, and that stressed, spelled backward, is dessert! During this Thanksgiving season, here’s another positive reminder: For an energizing boost of happiness, notice three blessings a day. We can’t feel stressed and thankful at the same time. -Jon Gordon I look forward to hearing how this month’s weekly wisdom videos may have impacted you.