The Courage to Change
Hi,
I'm Mathew M. A grateful recovering codependent. I joined CoDA about two and
half years ago. This was during a very difficult time in my life as I was in
the throes of a failing marriage. Things had been going downhill for years,
however, this became much more evident once I joined 12-Step recovery about 7
years ago. In sobriety I was desperate not to lose my marriage and had to face
the consequences of the pain and hurt I had caused in my years of addiction. In
true codependent fashion I flipped from being controlling and insisting that we
make the marriage work to being a complete doormat. For the next few years I
accepted unacceptable behavior from my wife due to fear of change and guilt
about the hurt I had caused her when I was in my addiction.
As
a child I grew up in an alcoholic home and one of the things I learnt was
denial. Denial kept me safe from accepting the reality of how bad things really
were at home and when I grew up, in my marriage. I was in so much pain and
anguish my AA sponsor suggested I find another program. That's how I ended up
in CoDA. Within weeks of starting my step work I was able to garner the courage
I needed to ask for a separation.
Over
the last two years CoDA has completely changed my life and how I interact with
people. Through my weekly meetings with my sponsor and doing the recovery work
I have started to see myself in a new light. I now have much better
relationships with family and friends where I am able to be authentic.
They
say the work never ends in 12-Step programs and I look forward to uncovering,
discovering, and discarding more of my codependent patterns.
Mathew
M. 7/30/2023
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