CoDA Weekly Reading

 

Using My Tools

“You may have breast cancer. We need a biopsy to find out.”

These words rocked my world. My life suddenly became unmanageable. My mind started reeling and spinning out of control.

So grateful that I had spent the weekend at a CoDA retreat. It was amazing! I made new friends and rekindled old friendships. Saturday night we had a bonfire. I threw my feelings of insignificance into the fire pit. Replacing those old false beliefs I had been holding on to with truths: I am enough. I am lovable. I matter. I deserve good things.

The old me would have held inside all my fears, denied all my feelings. The old me would have stuffed everything and decided to go it alone. I would have isolated and felt shame.

But CoDA has given me tools. And the phone has been underused by me. Often thinking I’m a bother, they are busy, or I’ll get through this on my own. But I needed to talk. And talk I did! I phoned my sponsor, then one friend after another … after another. I attended meetings and shared my thoughts, fears, and feelings. Most people were very supportive. A few were not. I took what I wanted and left the rest. Then I talked some more.

I listened. I listened to the encouragement of other women. I listened to their stories. I listened to them thank me for sharing. I no longer feel alone.

Waiting is hard. I reached out to a friend to help me get the biopsy appointment. My husband disapproved. I turned down the first available date. My friend disapproved. I held my own and got what I needed – an appointment date without conflicts. Boundaries. Empowerment. Self-care. I feel strong and capable.

Promise 5 is true. I know a new love and acceptance of myself and others. I feel genuinely lovable, loving and loved.

I don’t know the outcome of my story yet. I will continue to phone my sponsor and recovery friends for support. I will continue to talk to my Higher Power. By actively working the program of Co-Dependents Anonymous, I can realize a new joy, acceptance, and serenity in my life.

Alison 01/19/2024

P.S. My test results came back benign. I feel overwhelmed with gratitude. I am grateful for all the support I received from my family and CoDA community. I am grateful for the wonderful medical team that attended to me. I am grateful for the growth opportunities this experience has given me. And I am so grateful to be healthy!