As the holiday season ramps up, many of us find ourselves in a familiar cycle—scouring shelves and online stores, stressing over finding the perfect gift. Will they like it? Will it show I care? The pressure to get it “just right” can often overshadow the very spirit of giving and can even find us spending to uncomfortable degrees. But what if we reframed this aspect of December and the holiday hustle and embraced a deeper understanding of what giving does for us—not just for the recipient, but for the giver, too?
Spoiler alert: it’s biological!
Research reveals that giving isn’t just a feel-good activity—it’s wired into our biology. Acts of generosity activate the brain’s mesolimbic reward system, releasing dopamine, the “feel-good” neurotransmitter. In fact, a 2006 study using MRI scans found that when people donate to charity, their brain lights up in areas associated with pleasure and connection.
There’s also evidence that giving boosts health. Studies show it lowers stress, reduces blood pressure, and even increases longevity. One study found that older adults who volunteered regularly had a 44% lower risk of early death than those who didn’t. The reason? Generosity fosters a sense of purpose and belonging—both essential for mental and physical well-being.
We don’t exactly need scientific studies to tell us that giving feels good—we all know that. Making our loved ones happy is a gift all its own but that also becomes its own slippery bunny slope.
Despite the clear benefits of giving, many of us fall into the trap of perfectionism. Ad agencies, social media, and shopping malls all have conditioned us to think that a gift’s value lies in its exclusivity, its wow factor, and maybe even its price tag. But science and likely all of our personal experiences tell a different story. It really isn’t about what we give—it’s about the thought, connection, and meaning behind it.
Think back to a gift that truly touched you. I’m guessing it wasn’t a big expensive “thing” that opened your heart, but something deeply meaningful, profoundly thoughtful, or even bespoke (my kid’s early handmade cards are some of the most special gifts I’ve ever received—they still are!) I’m willing to guess that even when you’ve received something you didn’t necessarily love, it was still just as amazing because there was care behind it.
So, how can we capture the spirit of genuine giving this holiday season?
Focus on Connection Over Consumption
The best gifts are those that nurture relationships. A framed photo of a cherished memory, a homemade treat, or even a heartfelt note can mean more than any store-bought item.
Give Experiences, Not Things
Experiences create lasting memories and often foster deeper connections. Consider gifting a cooking class, a museum membership, or a day spent together doing something meaningful.
Practice Acts of Service
Sometimes, the most impactful gifts don’t come in boxes. Shoveling a neighbor’s driveway, babysitting for a busy parent, or cooking a meal for a friend can bring just as much (if not more) joy as a tangible gift.
Give to Those in Need
The holidays are a perfect time to extend generosity beyond our inner circles. Volunteering, donating to a cause, or participating in community outreach not only helps others but also cultivates gratitude and a sense of purpose.
When we let go of the idea of the “perfect” gift, we unlock the true magic of giving. It’s not about impressing others or giving them the best gift experience of their lives but connecting with them. It’s about the spark of joy in their eyes, the warmth of the shared moments, and that euphoric, ripple effect of kindness. That’s what makes this time of year so special.
This holiday season, I invite you to embrace giving as an opportunity, not to prove yourself, but to celebrate the love, gratitude, and generosity the holidays are meant to inspire in all of us.
Remember, there is certainly nothing wrong with showering our family or friends with extravagant gifts. But there is also nothing wrong with showering them with handmade pieces of art or gift cards to their favorite coffee shop. Only you know what would make your people feel special and seen, and I can say from my own experience it’s the feeling special and seen that makes a gift truly perfect.
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