Recovery Is Work, but Worth It
My life had
absolutely become unmanageable. I was almost 300 pounds (5' 4") and
I had an affair that destroyed two marriages. Of this I am not proud, but
it is important to my story.
I was in
therapy and my therapist introduced me to CoDA and recommended I try a
meeting. That was January 2023.
I am now 2 years into the program and still working through Step
4, but I have come a LONG way. I learned what the patterns of
codependency are. I saw how I am so very compliant, realized I had low
self-esteem, and that I liked to control people, though I did not realize that
was something I was doing.
CoDA has helped the most in the way of teaching me
terminology. My favorite lesson was on "weasel words" where I
say "maybe tomorrow" when I really don't want to do something at
all. I laughed at how often I say one thing but really want to say
something else entirely.
I have been dating someone for 6 months now and recently they
turned very verbally abusive. They are an alcoholic but do not realize it
and I wanted to love them through it. I wanted to help. But when I
told a friend in CoDA what this person said to me, my friend said, "that
is abusive". My immediate response was defensiveness and telling how
great my partner is when sober.
My friend asked me: (1) Abby, do you LIKE being treated that
way? And (2) Abby, if a FRIEND, not a partner, said any of that to you, would
you accept it?
My response was absolutely not! You see I am codependent
in my romantic relationships, but I am good at setting and holding boundaries
with my friends. I have a strong group of people who build me up and I
build them up.
Through CoDA, I now seek HEALTHY and LOVING relationships -
especially in romance. I was able to block this person (not ghost) in a
healthy manner that protected my health and well-being.
Recovery is work, it is hard, but I am so grateful for this program that
provides me the tools to enable healthy & loving relationships in my life.
Abby
01/06/2025
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