You need a Valentine’s Day plan. Hear me out.
While February 14 can evoke a wide array of emotions, one thing is for certain: we could all use more love in our lives. Some of us welcome celebrating a day devoted to love in the middle of winter. Some of us resent the pressure to buy chocolate/roses/cards for our partners to prove our affection (but do it anyway). And some fervently wish the day didn’t even exist. Whatever your feelings and past experiences, reframe Valentine’s Day as what it should be every day: a day of deepening love, expressing love, and even finding new love.
Seeking: New Love
One woman visibly cringed when I asked her why she hadn’t been using dating sites. Her shoulders crept up to her ears, she averted her gaze and muttered that it just felt so desperate. What? Why?! I don’t espouse being an expert at online dating, as I’ve never done it. As someone who met their husband the old-fashioned way, through happenstance, chance encounters, I also don’t understand why this is seen as the gold standard for “how to meet your partner.” Some couples have even confessed that their “how we met” story was a complete fabrication because they were too embarrassed to tell people they met online. Even people who met their future spouse online seem to have bought into the utter falsehood that only the unlucky, the desperate, or the losers use dating sites.
I love you, single people. I love love. For goodness sake, get over it, get online, and find someone to love!
You are in good company, too! In 2024, the number of online dating users in the United States was estimated to be over 60 million. Bumble was the most downloaded dating app in June 2024 but worldwide, Tinder took the prize as the most downloaded dating app, with over 6.1 million monthly downloads in June 2024. Talk about options! And more niche dating sites popped up, too. I love the specificity of niche sites for people who have honed in on precisely what they’re looking for in a partner:
FarmersOnly.com “because city folks just don’t get it”
Ourtime.com caters to the 50-and-over crowd
VeggieDate.com matches vegetarians
TheAtlasphere.com is for Ayn Rand fans
Alikewise.com makes love matches based on the books you like
Geek2geek.com is for, well, geeks, I suppose
Christianmingle.com matches Christians
Jdate.com match-makes Jewish singles
Datingink.com brings fans of tattoos together
And even these more niche sites can lead to unexpectedly wonderful places! For example, FarmersOnly attracted 27-year-old Silicon Valley resident Alana. She loved nature, but the tech guys she was dating considered themselves outdoorsy when they drank cocktails on a patio. She created an account on FarmersOnly, and now she is married, resides on a mountain, loves her garden, and lives in a house made of straw bales. True story.
Why not sign up for some new adventures and see what happens?
Seeking: Deeper Love
This willingness to stretch and say yes to greater openness can be applied to all of our lives, even if we’re in a long-term relationship.
You may have been married 10, 15, or 20 years. You may have raised children, purchased homes and cars, traveled together, and know each other’s daily routine. And although you have a relationship that might convince you you know everything about your partner, you don’t. We make a lot of assumptions about the people in our lives, and sometimes the longer we’re together, the more thoroughly we presume we know them.
But, what we think may not be true.
Even if you think you know everything about your long-time partner, keep curiosity in your heart. Take a step back and ask questions. Confirm what you “think” you know. Maybe your partner has new items on his or her bucket list. Perhaps they’re yearning for a trip to Thailand after a friend spoke so eloquently about the country (although Asia was never somewhere either of you had a strong desire to visit). Maybe they want to start playing the piano again after 20 years of ignoring the baby grand in the living room.
Here are three questions to get you started:
1. What’s something limiting you used to believe about love that you no longer do?
This can lead to surprising insights about personal growth, past experiences, and how they see your relationship now.
2. If you could relive one moment from our relationship exactly as it happened, what would it be and why?
This brings appreciation and an opportunity to reminisce about the moments that mattered most to them—ones that maybe you didn’t even realize were so significant.
3. In what ways do you feel most loved by me that I might not even realize?
Love languages shift over time, and sometimes the little things we do mean more than we think.
Now, isn’t that better than chocolate/roses/cards?
The energy of Valentine’s Day really is for all of us, no matter our relationship status. If you’re unattached, commit to a way to meet someone new. You have choices! And if you’re in a relationship, put together three questions that you think you know the answer to, and ask your partner.
Love is available in the sweetest and most expansive ways, especially when we’re willing to open ourselves just a little bit more.
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