The Sunken Place
I wrote this as I was
entering another relationship where I knew I would lose myself to their desires
and wishes, where I already saw the pattern happening that I had played out so
many times before. I wrote it before I knew I was codependent or why I kept
going through this. I wrote this because I was terrified, because I felt like I
was about to lose myself all over again, and nothing is scarier than that.
The Sunken Place
My weakness brings me
to my knees
But not in humility
In submission
But not in the holy way
In the way where I give
myself away
Like a slave with no
say
I become a possession
And the control has
begun.
My voice drifts off
My rights fade too
I exist for someone
else:
Their extension.
The take-over has
begun.
My spirit is terrified
I fear for my very life
Losing yourself is so
scary
Existing as the source of
someone else’s
happiness.
Is a large burden to
carry.
I try to claw my way
out
But I can’t find the
escape
My arms grow weak
It is easier to lie
still
Lifeless, void.
Yet worshiped as a
pretty toy.
Right and wrong is
confusing
Love and control
Dominance and
submission
Down and up
I am now floating in
the inbetween
In the sunken
place.
Looking
back at this now from a distance I realize I had so many clues to my problem,
but no solution. Because of CoDA I am so relieved to see a door of freedom
before me now, of liberation. Addressing my codependency I will learn an inner
strength I have never known. And no one will be able to “own” me again. I will
have to write a poem about that one day. (:
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