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The other day I saw a social media post about an 80-year-old woman who published her first book after a lifetime of wanting to be a published author.
It was meant to be one of those feel-good posts about how it’s never too late to go after your dreams.
In principle, I believe in that message wholeheartedly.
Except, the reaction I had to the story was not one of happiness. In fact, I felt deeply unsettled, because the reason the woman gave for not pursuing being a writer her whole life was because “she never had the time.”
Never having the time is one of many reasons we use to avoid doing what scares us.
Ironically, they say we’re most afraid of going after the things we most want. For me, that dream has always been to be a writer.
Though in many ways, I’ve always been one. I’ve known since I was five when I told my mother that I wanted to be an “author” when I grew up. I even wrote a short children’s book when I was only eight years old, based on a weird and wonderful dream I had.
I wrote prolifically throughout high school and my student years, but things changed for me when I went out into the big wide world.
Despite working professionally as a journalist and then a copywriter, I started finding every possible reason to avoid pursuing and publishing my creative writing, the writing closest to my heart.
Like the time I mailed the manuscript of a book I wrote to a major publisher—an action I took with such hope in my heart. When I never heard back from them, I was gutted.
The problem was that after this initial rejection, I never sent the book to another publisher, an agent, or even one chapter of it to an online publication. I made one rejection the proof I needed to put my tail between my legs and make a run for it.
The writer Stephen King shares in his autobiographical book On Writing about how in his early years as a writer, he had a “Rejection Pike” on his wall where he’d collect his many rejections from different agents and publications.
For King, his Rejection Pike was a source of pride and motivation. Because the bigger the pile, the more he was learning, the more he was putting his writing out there.
He tells the story of how that pike got so heavy with rejection letters, he had to replace the pike with a longer, stronger nail!
We writers can be sensitive, creative souls and while there’s beauty in that, I think too often we let our sensitivity and fears take control and we don’t build our own rejection pikes.
Beyond the fear of rejection, I think we writers can come up with every manner of small and big reason (read: excuse) to hold back. For me, there was the idea that my writing style isn’t particularly “literary” in comparison to some writers and so I would never be taken seriously.
Or the time I started an Instagram account to share my work, only to find the platform and it’s demands for more and more content utterly exhausting. I abandoned the account, but did I try out other methods of publication that were more aligned to my values? Nope, I procrastinated for months and months.
Finally, I started writing on Substack, an exciting platform that did feel more aligned with my values. But soon I was plagued with the idea that this new platform was already too saturated, and nobody would pay attention or actually pay for my writing.
All these reasons we have can seem so logical, so real, and yet they all come down to fear.
Our ego fear of looking bad or ridiculous. Fear of being seen. Fear of attack, fear of abandonment and rejection. Fear of being the outsider, the freak, the know-it-all, the attention-grabber…the list of judgements could go on forever.
The thing is, of all the judgments I’ve ever received about my writing, they’ve overwhelmingly been my own.
To realise this is sobering. Heartbreaking.
Because to see our own excuses is to see that we are our own greatest obstacle.
I have decided that I will not allow myself to use these excuses anymore. Not time, not rejection, and not my sensitivity.
It’s time to be the writer I am. To straighten my spine and trust that I am strong enough to handle this path. To cradle my sensitivity while I take courageous action in the direction of my dreams. To build my rejection pike!
Life is precious and I think it’s wonderful to hear stories like an 80-year old-woman publishing her first book.
But these stories are also a reminder and wake-up call not to wait quite so long before going after our dreams.
To connect with the bigger picture and even laugh at ourselves for spending one minute in fear and hesitation.
No more excuses. Be the writer.
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