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Most of us come to a
point in our lives when we question why we are doing what we are doing,
and many of us realize that we may be living our lives in an effort to
make our parents happy. This realization can dawn when we are in our
20s, our 40s, or even later, depending on how tight a hold our family
of origin has on our psyche. We may feel shocked or depressed by this
information, but we can trust that it is coming to us at this time
because we are ready to find out what it would mean to live our lives
for ourselves by following the call of our own soul and refusing to be
beholden to someone else’s expectations.
One of the most common
reasons we are so tied into making our parents or others happy is that
we were not properly nurtured when we were children. We were not
honored as individuals in our own right, with a will and purpose of our
own. As a result, we learned to look outside of ourselves for approval,
support, and direction, rather than within. The good news is that the
part of us that was not adequately nurtured is still there, inside us,
like a seed that has not yet received the sunlight and moisture it needs
to open and allow its inner contents to unfurl. It is never too late to
provide ourselves with what we need.
There are many ways to
create a safe container for ourselves so that we can turn within and
shine the light of awareness there. We may join a support group, go to
therapy, or start a journaling practice. This experience of becoming is
well worth the difficult work that may be required. In whatever process
we choose, we may feel worse before we feel better, but we will
ultimately find out how to live our lives for ourselves and how to make
ourselves happy.
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