On control

Controlling. 

I have several methods of controlling, however the one I use most is being a people pleaser. I try to please people so I can make them be nice to me because I was pleasing them. So I keep trying and trying and doing what I think they will like. 

I also try to control by actions. This is more with my addict spouse. When he isn't going for his meetings or therapy I start to act hostile towards him. Hoping that my hostility will make him change his mind . Usually it doesn't work then I result to shaming him and remind him about all he has done and playing the victim. If it doesn't work then I resort to threats. Usually they don't work and then I go back to rescuing. Suddenly being nice and trying to convince nicely. 

So in summary my control methods are people pleasing, hostility, threats and rescuing/victimising. 

It's crazy that I keep doing them over and over again despite the fact that it has never worked, 

Suzy Jay.  

ESH always welcome