CoDA Weekly Reading

Hi everyone,

My name is Peggy and I was diagnosed as a codependent about 9 years ago when I went into counselling to find out why my then-relationship with a much younger man was not working. I realised I was a caretaker rather than a partner and I left the relationship.

I attended one meeting of Codependents Anonymous and decided "it was not for me" and I could do this myself, without anyone's help.

Years passed and I slowly forgot I have an issue with codependency….

I am now back at square one. I realise that I have broken off numerous relationships over the past nine years where I blamed the other person for 'making me feel uncomfortable, judged, not appreciated'. I have broken off at least five friendships, four of which I have since repaired, I have been in four more serious relationships with partners and have broken off each and every one when I started to feel unhappy, taken for granted, etc etc. I am not speaking to my brother and I wanted to walk away from my Dad just recently.

Things were truly messed up :-(

So here I am, back to attending meetings.

I have promised myself I would attend at least six meetings before deciding if it was for me or not. So far I have attended two. I do not yet have a sponsor nor can I communicate with other codependents because it is early days but I am ready.

To now have the awareness of what is happening in my life and why I am so resentful towards the people around me has made me let go of my anger and frustration toward others and it feels liberating! I am now not in a relationship, nor am I looking (this is a first for me!) and I feel no pain when I think of the past relationships I have had because I can see my own contribution to them having failed!

I do not have all the answers yet, and maybe I never will, but there is a start. If I can feel this calmness and peace in myself right now, then I am going in the right direction for sure.

Thank you for setting up this CoDA weekly reading, I enjoy your stories, keep them coming!

I wish you all the best in your recovery :-)

Kind Regards,

Peggy B – 4/10/18