Today I want to talk to you about the 10 signs that you are suffering from Aftershock.
I dearly hope that this can help you realise what is happening to you, inside of you and in your mind when you are struggling to stay away after leaving a narcissist, get your sanity and Life Force back and move on with living and rebuilding.
My heart goes out to you because I went through this horrifically too!
Many years ago, I picked up on this phase “Aftershock” – and truly I’m not sure whether I heard it somewhere, or if it just occurred to me, that this is what is happening to nearly every victim of narcissistic abuse who can’t just “snap their fingers” and move forward.
Please know you are not defective and hopeless if this is your plight!
But before I go into these 10 signs to know that you are suffering from Aftershock, let’s look at what Aftershock is.
Aftershock – It Gets Better Before It Gets Worse
Many people are stunned after leaving a narcissist because they thought they would get relief and start recovering, but they didn’t. In stark contrast they felt much worse – sometimes so much so, that they even thought they were going crazy.
People around you can’t understand why you aren’t getting better now that you are away from the narcissist. They are stunned that you just can’t get on with your life.
And you don’t understand this either.
Today I want to help you grasp exactly what is going on with you.
Okay, let’s go through these 10 signs to know that you are suffering from Aftershock – so that you can get very clear, if this is what you are going through.
Number 1 – You Feel Wiped Out And Exhausted
It’s like you can barely function, get out of bed or take care of your everyday tasks.
You feel like your Life Force has been literally sucked out of you. Your energy is so low and flat that you start to think that maybe there is something seriously medically wrong with you.
It feels like a major accomplishment to have a shower, make a cup of tea, and put on clothes. Maybe you can’t even get out of bed. Possibly your basic requirements for caring about yourself feel near impossible, let alone facing the effort necessary for the rebuilding of your life after the destruction of narcissistic abuse.
Number 2 – You Have Grave Fears About Your Future
You suffer feelings of emptiness, helplessness and hopelessness regarding rebuilding your life. You don’t know where you are going to be able to conjure up the hope, support, inspiration, power, and energy to move forward.
Thinking about the challenges that lie ahead seems insurmountable to you.
It’s common that you feel drastically unsupported by the system, and even family and friends. And, most definitely it feels like no one understands.
Number 3 – Repeat Obsessional Thoughts
You find yourself going over and over what happened to you without any resolution to these thoughts.
No matter how much you speak to people and research narcissists, such as who they are and what they do, and what this has caused you, you don’t seem to get any mental closure and peace.
Number 4 – Intense Negative Feelings
It feels like you are going through some terrible Soul sickness.
The intensity of your feelings and how deeply they run within you, may frighten you – feelings like total heartbreak, absolute abandonment, dark despair, toxic hatred, deep shame, self-disgust, and utter self-worthlessness, just to name a few.
These painful emotional states feel like they are eating you alive, stripping you of your energy and Life Force. Any emotional relief that you seem to obtain, ends up being only temporary, because these feelings keep coming back.
Number 5 – Anxiety About What’s Coming Next
You feel terrified about what lies in the future.
Things like what you may find out about the narcissist and the “lie” you had been living. Maybe these fears are about what the narcissist may do next, or how other people may be turning on you and persecuting you.
You may be terrified about who and what you can trust personally, and this fear may also be in regard to the system and authorities.
Devastatingly your trust and faith in yourself to be able to navigate the future may feel shattered.
Number 6 – Panic Attacks
You discover how triggered you can be by things that remind you of the narcissist and what you have been through. This brings on feelings of being unable to cope or being so unsafe that you can barely breathe. Maybe you are shaking and hyperventilating at these times.
Possibly you are breaking into tears uncontrollably, or to cope you numb out and can barely operate or be present with what you are trying to do.
It’s likely that you are experiencing regular and vivid nightmares that leave you visibly shaken when you wake up from them.
Number 7 – Doubting Your Sanity
You feel like you are going crazy. You literally feel like you are losing your mind, can’t deal with the shocking feelings that you are feeling, and / or still feel like you are desperately in love with, or missing this person, and can’t live without them.
Even if you don’t want to reconnect with this person “lovingly” you may feel like you can’t stop needing them to understand, validate you or take responsibility for what they have done, even though you know any connection to this person keeps creating terrible trauma for you.
Number 8 – Second-guessing
You start to wonder if it is you who has the issues, if you got it wrong – if you should be the person being sorry, trying to fix this, and changing aspects of yourself to make this relationship work.
You may think, “Maybe it’s ME who is the defective one, or possibly even a narcissist?”
Number 9 – Rationalising “It Must Be Love”
Maybe, at times you feel convinced that it must be true love for you to feel so intensely about this person.
Maybe you believe it is “meant to be”, and it’s your duty to love this person back to health. Or perhaps you have overwhelming feelings of responsibility, guilt, and obligation to this person.
You may believe that this is some sort of “Soul-contract” for you to remain in this person’s life, even if this means martyring yourself to help them.
Number 10 – You Become “Less”
Because of all of the above, you are in a terrible state – and understandably so.
Again, please know Aftershock is more common than you could ever imagine. Of course, you are trying to cope with all of this emotional and mental turmoil as well as the intense strain it is causing to your nervous system and also your literal physical health.
It is not your fault, but of course you become so much more unavailable to the people in your life who you love. You may even find that you can barely tolerate them requiring any of your care, energy, and attention.
It may have become near impossible for you to have the energy and sanity to be able to function in your job. Additionally, the interests that used to give you energy are also neglected.
You thought after leaving a narcissist you would become “more”, but you now feel even “less” than you did when you were connected to this person.
What on earth is going on?
Why aren’t you getting well yet?
Let’s look at why Aftershock strikes.
Why Does Aftershock Happen?
Aftershock happens because once you get some “space” from the narcissist, the traumas from yesterday, last week, month and year, that you had pushed down and during your battle of survival, all have the room to explode into your consciousness.
When deep trauma surfaces from within, your brain is trying to “manage” it – and get it “sorted” into some sort of human rationale filing system.
But it can’t, it’s too overwhelming.
Within the MTE Thriver Healing team, we have lived Aftershock in our own personal abuse experiences and also have witnessed thousands upon thousands of people suffering from Aftershock.
Sadly, this can continue on for years and even decades after narcissistic abuse, if they don’t get the right help.
It is so not true that time heals narcissistic abuse. Rather, it is the right healing that heals narcissistic abuse.
In our community we find that people who use Quanta Freedom Healing, and commit to it, get positive results with relief from Aftershock, and are able to gain themselves and their life back powerfully and quickly. The difference between these people and those who don’t work with Quanta Freedom Healing is literally like day and night.
There is much to understand regarding why this is the case.
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