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I was overwhelmed with a sense of helplessness and grief.
Jake, my husband’s father, was in the hospital, and we were told he would not live for much longer. His wife of over seventy years was not able to live on her own. As a family, we took turns staying with her until we found a home for seniors where she would be cared for. Between visiting both parents and supporting my husband, I struggled with finding a way to be at peace.
As I sat with Mary and encouraged her to eat some lunch, I noticed my breathing. I had gotten into the habit of taking shallow breaths and not paying attention to slowing down as I let the air out of my lungs. I took a big breath and let it out slowly. Unconsciously, my shoulders lowered and I felt less stressed. Over the next few days, I began to stop what I was doing and focus on my breath. In and out. I was surprised how this helped me feel more calm.
Two days later, we told Mary it was time to visit Jake so she could say goodbye. She finally agreed, even though we knew she was afraid to go. I waited by the elevator as her daughters brought her up in the wheelchair. As the elevator doors opened, I could see the fear radiating from her. Her eyes were wide open and she stared blankly into space. She looked terrified as she held tightly to the arms of the wheelchair.
I wheeled her to a quiet part of the hallway, and kneeled down beside her. I held her hand and said, “Mary, I want to help you to relax before you see Jake. All you need to do is take some deep breaths together with me.” Looking into her eyes, I showed her how to breathe slowly and deeply. I held my hand on her abdomen and showed her how it moved when she took a deep breath. She gave it a try. “Good job, Mary!”
She relaxed her grip on the arms of the wheelchair and her eyes met mine. She settled back into the back of the chair and continued to breathe with me. In the background I heard one of her daughters say,”What a good idea. I should do that too.”
With that, Mary was ready to see her husband. We took her to his bedside and noticed her courage as she asked for help to stand up and kiss him. She held his hand and quietly sang a familiar hymn to him. My eyes filled with tears as I witnessed her love. I took a deep breath and slowly let it out. I felt a peace in my heart alongside the sorrow.
Breathwork has the power to support us through the challenges we face. Whether it is a painful goodbye, a traumatic health diagnosis or a hurtful interaction with a friend, our breath is always available. The quiet act of stopping to take a breath and slowly letting it out is a miraculous doorway to calm and groundedness.
I am grateful that I was able to share this truth with Mary as she was going through the tender experience of saying goodby to her beloved husband. I encourage you to experiment with this in your life. Paying attention to your breath may be an unexpected gift for you!
~
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