{*Did you know you can write on Elephant? Here’s how—big changes: How to Write & Make Money or at least Be of Benefit on Elephant. ~ Waylon}
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Every potential love story begins with an initial attraction.
The initial attraction has always been the first ingredient for any romantic relationship. I wouldn’t date someone unless I was attracted to him.
Attraction was that thing that pulled me in.
Every great love story started the moment our eyes met and those butterflies erupted in the pit of my soul. Those damn butterflies were a sure sign that the attraction was there.
It wasn’t something taught to me nor did I learn it. It was a magnetic force when I first laid eyes on him.
I either felt it or I didn’t.
The ones I wasn’t attracted to never had a chance. And the ones I did, I ran toward.
But this was hardly a love story.
That attraction I needed so badly before I would consider spending time with someone brought out the worst in me. It was the most dangerous moment in my dating experience.
Meeting someone I was instantly attracted to didn’t happen often so when I did finally meet someone I was attracted to, I mentally created our entire relationship before I ever had the chance to know that person.
I was so attached to that attraction that I created an entire senecio of where we were going.
I could see our life together. We’d spend all of our time together with romantic dates, meeting each other’s families, and fall in love. After we were married, we’d have two children, live in a big house in the suburbs, and have a beautiful life together.
This was all in my head based off of the initial attraction.
Because the attraction was so rare, it had to mean something, right? I didn’t want to do anything that might ruin it, so I instantly became nervous around him and my anxiety became on high alert. My anxiety caused me to do anything to make him happy at all costs because if I could make him happy, maybe he’d stay.
If I could just make him see how great I was, he would fall in love with me.
My instinct was not to do anything that could mess this up. Not to mess up the beautiful life we could have together.
Instead of trying to figure out if he was even right for me.
Instead of just being myself.
I was already in a place of lack and fear, so I lowered my standards and lost all my boundaries. I over-gave every part of myself at the same time as I under-communicated what I really needed. My wants and needs became nonexistent.
Prior to any initial attraction, I spent months figuring out who I was from the last failed relationship. Relearning how to love myself only to drop parts of it because of one moment in time.
It was a poisonous combination because it meant I burned out giving to someone but also no one had any clue what I really wanted. I never gave him the chance to get to know the real me. I hid all my flaws.
I almost couldn’t remember what I wanted anymore. That initial attraction blinded me in so many ways.
Some of the greatest love stories begin with absolutely no attraction at all. It is only over time when they really get to know each other that something starts to happen.
When I stopped chasing that initial attraction, beautiful things started to happen.
I was myself. I wasn’t trying to impress him. I stayed true to my values and kept my boundaries in check.
Because there was no initial attraction, I was free to be my most authentic self. There was nothing on the line here. No imaginary love story I was trying to create. No one to potentially leave. No one to hold on to, so I was relaxed and never nervous.
I had complete freedom to explore the potential possibilities with someone.
Because I wasn’t so in my head, I had the opportunity to really get to know him. Weeding out the ones I didn’t connect with and staying close to the ones I did.
Connection, a real connection is built on honesty. Showing every part of myself, the good and not so good parts. Giving him a full view of who I actually was and letting him decide whether he felt a connection.
At the same time as opening my heart with no expectations of who I want this person to be but allowing him to be his true self so I could determine whether he was someone I connected with.
Developing a connection with someone is the first ingredient for a true love story. That connection will feel like home.
F*ck those butterflies.
Screw those nerves.
To hell with anxiety.
Someone worth running toward should feel like home.
Attraction won’t get you there, but connection will.
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